20 Bad First Messages From Online Dating Sites

Boys, you need some coaching. Think about your life and think about your choices.

1.

Is for horses and I am pretty sure you are a 16 year old girl from Myspace with those unnecessary letters. Because I used to be one too.

2.

Hi, my name is Ellie, nice to meet you too. Dang.

3.

Insert thumbs up emoji here.

4.

Obviously, the whole "Bio" section is just for giggles.

5.

I give him some points for perseverance but I personally would have sent this first.

6.

Ooooh, Caldwell must be fancy if podunk is capitalized.

Have you tried newmommy.com?

7.

Speechless.

8.

I am on here because I am married and have kids, actually. I just get bored being a housewife. How about you, Jake?

9.

I could not figure out if this was a sonnet or poem of some sort. Whatever it is, just read it to me and feed me "chocalate."

10.

No but I know this guy who was going to run for mayor of NYC and he might.

11.

Is there a website where you guys get this material?

Plot twist: we don't fall for it.

12.

JUST DON'T EVEN WITH ME, OK.

13.

Oh, I'm sorry. I think your realtor is on the open tab next to me.

14.

Guys, do you even think about this stuff before you send it? AT ALL!?

15.

Can you hold on a second? I have to go barf.

16.

I think he left out "learning to spell."

Note: Boys in the south -- the cowboy card is tired and played. I can buy a Browning hat and say I like country music too. But I would, in no sense, be a cowgirl. So just stop.

17.

Nothing that would make his gecko purple, that's for sure.

18.

My face is in my palm so hard right now.

19.

Yes. Yes it is.

20.

I DON'T TAKE AUTHORITY VERY WELL, OK.

Note: We said "hellos" once. ONCE. There was no conversation to catch up on.