14 Law & Order: SVU Attorneys Ranked

Ranked Worst - Best

14. NY Defense Attorney Lionel Granger - David Thornton

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Why?: This guy is perhaps the biggest jackass on this show with a long-recurring appearances. He is obviously all about the money & defends the worst of the worst. He represents Rafael Zapata (who ordered the hit on Cabot) & was even there when he tried to ATTACK her.

Worst Episodes: Loss (05.04), Control (04.14), Lead (10, 15)

Most Annoying Quotes:

"There's one woman with more than just a motive to kill Horace Gorman. "She also had the means and the opportunity. A woman who knew exactly where Horace Gorman was hiding and went there alone to take her revenge. A woman with a desperate desire to see Mr. Gorman pay for his sins and atone for her own. That woman is Detective Olivia Benson!" -04.14

"Let's not do anything stupid..Well this was fun." -05.04

13. NY Defense Attorney Roger Kressler - Ned Eisenberg

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Why: Kressler is one of the sleazier defense attorneys that has had a recurring role for many seasons. He also represents some of the douchiest clients. But every once in a while, he does have some hilarious lines!

Worst Episodes: Guilt (03.18), Damaged (03.09), Witness (11.16)

Most Annoying Quotes:

"Harper Anderson: I'm Harper Anderson, Mr. Kressler. Your client raped me. I know how famous you are. You're going to burn in hell.

I'm Jewish, Miss Anderson. There is no hell. Excuse us." -02.09

"Aren't you married to a known terrorist?

Nardalee Yula: It was a forced marriage!

And you claimed he raped you.

Nardalee Ula: He & all his friends.

And now you see rape, everywhere." -11.16

12. ADA Casey Novak - Diane Neal

Via springfieldspringfield.co.uk

Why she is the worst: This character is the equivalent of dragging nails across a chalkboard. I don't know if it's this actress or the way the character is written, but something about her is INFURIATING! While she does have some redeeming episodes, they are too seldom to list here. There's also too many bad episodes to specify, so here is one quoted scene that is enjoyable:

"I'm being called before the bar.

Judge Donnelly: At my insistence.

Why?

Judge Donnelly: Because you lost perspective, & because I sit on the peer review board & I cannot allow you to commit a Brady violation &lie to the court without consequence.

The reports weren't finished, Your Honor. I sent them back.

Judge Donnelly: You lied to Petrovsky, & now you are lying to me the lab reports were dated and stamped! We are civil servants, Casey. No one is falling on their sword for you. What I want to know is why.

Because the bad guys can't always win. He deserved to pay.

Judge Donnelly: And so do you.

How much trouble am I in?

Judge Donnelly: Censure. Possible suspension.

For how long?

Judge Donnelly: A year. Maybe more.

What should I do?

Judge Donnelly: Something else.

I have to go." -Cold (09.19)

11. ADA Kim Greylek - Michaela McManus

michaelamcmanus.net / Via springfieldspringfield.co.uk

Why? She is definitely one of the most annoying attorneys on this list for a crazy amount of reasons. Some of these include being a show-voter, anti-death penalty, & her tendency to be a know-it-all.

Worst Episodes: Confession (10.02), PTSD (10.09), Babes (10.06)

Most Annoying Quotes:

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Dr. Engels. All I want to know is if the boy can take the stand.

Dr. Engels: For one thing, he's too young to testify in a courtroom.

We can videotape his testimony.

Dr. Engels: And he was coached.

He just shoved a crayon into a doll's ass." -10.02

"I have a moral objection to murder.

Military DA: I haven't decided to seek the death penalty.

Of course you have. The heinous nature of this crime and the press exposure alone guarantee you'll want to kill him.

Military DA: Execution isn't murder when it's sanctioned by law.

Not in New York. There's a court-ordered moratorium on the death penalty, and I intend to stop you." -10.09

*Funny Quote: "You sure about that? Cause that's not an objection you're raising." -10.10

10. ADA Jo Marlowe - Sharon Stone

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Why? This was definitely a result of a horrible casting choice. If Stone was going to guest star, she should have been a slutty murderer obvi!

Worst Episodes: Torch (11.21), Shattered (11.24)

Most Annoying Quotes:

"He was raped at SVU." -11.21

"Speaking of Elliot, you and he ever?

Benson: No. He's married.

Hahaha. Yeah." 11.21

9. NY Defense Attorney Rita Calhoun - Elizabeth Marvel

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Why? As one of the only defense attorneys that has played on both sides of the SVU team, & in both civil & criminal trials, Calhoun stands out. She's also appeared as a doctor in earlier episodes!

Best Episodes: Legitimate Rape (14.18), Amaro's One-Eighty (15.10)

Notable Quotes:

"Rick Purcell: I was just showing her how much I loved her.

By spying on her, menacing her, and trying to humiliate her publicly? Ever heard of flowers?" -14.18

8. Executive ADA David Haden - Harry Connick, Jr.

Will Hart / NBC Will Hart / Via springfieldspringfield.co.uk

Why? While he had a short run, all of Hayden's episodes are memorable. Bonus points for being a good match for Olivia!

Best Episodes: Official Story (13.12), Hunting Ground (13.15)

Notable Quotes:

"You can trust me. I'm an attorney!" -13.12

"William Rand (WR): Everyone has skeletons.

I'm gonna pretend that's not a threat.

WR: Just ask yourself something, counselor. Is this the battle you want? Because war is my business. & business is good. Have a nice evening.

That was subtle.

Benson: So right about now you're asking yourself, "what have we gotten ourselves into?"

You kidding? I live for this." -13.12

"I wanted to see for myself. Have the scene in my head before I go after The Downtown Voice." -13.15

7. ADA Gillian Hardwick - Melissa Sagemiller

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Why?: She doesn't have much of an impact on the show, negative, positive or otherwise. She does have some nice moments, while others are borderline irritating.

Best Episodes: Possessed (12.12), Penetration (12.08), Branded (12.06)

Notable Quotes:

"Your Honor I can take anything this toad can dish out." -12.12

"Cragen:It's hard to believe it's not that dirt bag. So, what do we do now?

You let him go. Wife confesses, dirt bag walks." -12.19

6. NY Defense Attorney Trevor Langan - Peter Hermann

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Why? Most, if not all, the defense counselors are generally portrayed as jackasses. Trevor gets points since he is married to Mariska Hartigay (Benson) in real life.

Best Episodes: Perverted (11.10), Spring Awakening (15.22)

Notable Quotes:

"Nice you're getting preferential treatment. They let you stay out here instead of throwing you in the bull pen with the crack whores and schizos.

Benson:Yeah, I'm getting breaks all over the place." -11.10

5. NY Defense Attorney Bayard Ellis - Andre Braugher

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Why? When Ellis is introduced in True Believers (13.06), he is off-putting because he is horrible to the victim & represents a total scumbag. After this episode, he definitely has more redeeming moments.

Best Episodes: Monster's Legacy (14.13), Spiraling Down (13.10)

Best Quotes:

"For your eyes only. In other words, not to be shared with the defense. & now on this page. Still your handwriting? Can you read what it says for the court?

Marnie Lathrop (ML): Your Honor, I'm not comfortable using this language.

You wrote it, and now you're not comfortable reading it?

Judge: Read it, Ms. Lathrop.

ML: Further notes on the faggot squad.

Go on.

ML: Reggie Rhodes's 'odd jobs' for Danforth may refer to sexual favors.

And at the bottom?

ML: Enclosed envelope contains photos found at scene. Sexually explicit images of victim and defendant.

Does this jog your memory about whether or not the lead detective mentioned polaroids at the scene?

ML: I have no idea how these--

Would you open this and show these photos to the court? No.

ML: No, I couldn't--

Just like you couldn't show them to the defense.

ML:No.That's not what I was saying.

Even when this became a death penalty case! You didn't share these with anyone but your supervisor, did you?

ML: No.

Thank you. No further questions." -14.13

4. NY Defense Attorney/Judge Barry Moredock - John Cullum

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Why? He is one of the more entertaining judges because he is like an kooky grandpa while still being on the ball! & he likes gifs of dolphins humping people.

Best Episodes: Possessed (12.12), Lead (10.15), Blinded (09.07), Painless (04.26), Smut (10.10)

Notable Quotes:

"[Pounds Gavel] Both of you shut up!" -12.12

"This is one of those cases that makes me wonder if it's time to retire. After review, & despite strong personal contempt for the defendant's odious literary efforts, this court has no choice but to grant the defense motion for dismissal." -12.12

"Your client has as much business on a witness stand as I do riding in a rodeo. Only a horse's ass would ignore his diminished mental capacity.

Lionel Granger: You're out of line, Your Honor.

And you are a disgrace to the defense bar, Mr. Granger. & if you don't get your act in line, I'll grant her motion & report you to the disciplinary committee. Now get out!" -10.15

"I know you've seen more of the real world than anybody should have to. It took guts to come back & I'm glad you did. But you can't afford to forget why you became an ADA in the first place. The Alexandra Cabot I remember, wouldn't even consider railroading this poor young man." -10.15

3. ADA Rafael Barba - Raúl Esparza

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Why? Frankly, the main ADA works better as a female character but Barba has had some amazing moments that definitely stand out.

Best Episodes: Twenty-Five Acts (14.03), Girl Dishonored (14.20), Downloaded Child (15.17), Porn-star's Requiem (16.05)

Notable Quotes:

"As a regular Joe, I am curious about how this belt-around- the-neck thing is exciting.

I am sure, Your Honor, that the jury is curious as well." -14.03

"Rick Purcell: But all the, what, hundreds of others-- if you thought they were guilty, they were? Men, they're all rapists, right?

Objection, argumentative and ridiculous." -14.18

"You were more than a voyeur. You downloaded these videos & shared them.

That makes you complicit in creating a demand for this kind of illegal product.

Pedophile: Not $4 million worth.

We've had a few other men agree to help this woman and her daughter get the counseling they need because it's the right thing to do. You are obviously not one of those men, so let me put this in terms that you do understand. We can knock the charge down to simple possession of child pornography, you pay $4 million in restitution. Or we can charge you with distribution, and you go away for a decade.

Pedophile: Tell him where to send the damn check." -15.17

2. Executive ADA Sonya Paxton - Christine Lahti

Via lawandorder.wikia.com

Why?: A lot of people will probably disagree with this one, but is the only one whose death led to a serial killer & rapist getting caught. Can't get much more bad-ass than that!

Best Episodes: Hammered (11.04), Pursit (12.17)

Notable Quotes:

"It's okay. I got him." -12.17

"Chuck Mills: You called, chuck-o-luck delivers, big-time.

Doesn't look that big to me." -12.09

"Oh, cut the crap. Geez.

Stabler: Need something, Sonya?

Yeah. For him to admit he killed and raped Audrey Hale. I got tired of watching you two play patty cake. Sorry." -11.04

"Oh, what's your problem, you tiny little man?" -11.04

1. ADA Alexandra Cabot - Stephanie March

svu.doriennesmith.com / Via tv.com

Why? She's passionate, committed, smart, & beautiful! Her arguments are always clear & concise, & she is responsible for some of the strongest episodes surrounding the courtroom.

Best Episodes: Guilt (03.018), Witness (11.16), Anchor (11.10), Savior (11.14), Loss (05.04)

Notable Quotes:

"Yes Mr. Zappata. You will also find that a woman can say anything she wants about your performance in the bedroom & you aren't actually allowed to kill her."

-05.04

"That was quick! She didn't punch you again did she?" -11.15

"Do you know that rape is not grounds for asylum? It is only granted based on race, religion, gender, or political opinion. Gender violence isn't even covered." -11.16

"It means you're going to prison & you're going to find out exactly how Nikki felt when you raped her on the bathroom floor." -11.09

"He shot a man, who was on his knees, begging for his life. Now some of you may think that he deserved to die. But you have to ask yourselves if you would execute a man whose guilt had not been proven. We have all felt the need for revenge at some point in our lives.We have all lashed out in pain and anger, and we have all thought that justice means an eye for an eye. But is that justice? Does Perry Williams' family now have the right to kill Ray Bevins? Does Ray Bevins' family then have the right to retaliate against Perry Williams? When would it stop? An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind." -03.16

"We tell ourselves that we speak for the victims, but we don't. We can close cases. But the victims, even if they survive, their lives are ruined. I just get so sick of it.

Stabler: Alex, we can't always win.

But that's just it. Even when we win, we don't." -05.04