1.
Only the real ones would know...
2.
Aint NO way my ONE MONTH just told me to ๐คซ๐คซ๐คฃ
3.
a wig IS a school supply mom
4.
Arguing thru a text will have you standing in one spot for 35 mins ๐คฃ
5.
How the world portrays Jesus vs how the Bible describes him. #MetGala
6.
Thanos gone lose his mind https://t.co/RmL1VtvS0s
7.
โHold your applause until the end of the ceremonyโ Black people:
8.
Wanted to share my amazing weight loss transformation with you all. Itโs been over a year since I lost 230 lbs and Iโve never felt better โค๏ธ
9.
my cells during mitosis
10.
ARE WE GOING TO IGNORE THE FACT THAT RAY Jโs HAT MOVED LIKED 2,000 TIMES IN LIKE 10 SECONDS!!!! ๐๐๐คฃ
11.
House was a weird show. Patients would be rushed the hospital with unexplained fevers and heart problems. And House would come in like โdid you check his asshole for toothpicks?โ And theyโd be like โdamn u right.โ
12.
I just found out I have a FUNKY WHITE SISTER๐ณ๐ฉ๐๐คฃ forreal doe๐๐คฃ& she brought her home girl with her from da hood that keep tip toeing in the background with a plate of food๐คฃ yo Iโm done!๐ but she straight killed โWork Itโ sound effects & all๐๐พ I love it๐ฅ๐๐พ
13.
When New Yorkers hear a violin ๐คฃ๐ฅ๐ป
14.
lmfaoooo Facebook been having me dying lately
15.
Yโall wilding today for no reason huh
16.
Manager: โHey I know youโre suppose to be off today but can you....โ Me:
17.
Me reading over my homies essay to help ensure he gets the best grade possible
18.
When someone is getting in trouble and the teacher says "The next person who laughs is getting sent to the office"
19.
I look at myself in the mirror like this when Iโm drunk https://t.co/RxEMTcM5lJ
20.
The entire restaurant when somebody order fajitas
21.
Me texting my kids once theyโre in college and me and my husband finally start our world tour https://t.co/rvMPv2ZGOG
22.
Ursula scammed a mermaid out of her voice and soul & then stole sis man. Cruella De Vill wanted to skin 100 puppies & Maleficent put a curse on a baby cause she ainโt get invited to a kickback https://t.co/tpvwgPg9Pw
23.
Womenโs shower water. https://t.co/kJvu6FE256
24.
nobody: bread crumbs: . . . . . . . . . .
25.
this is exactly what McDonaldโs sprite taste like https://t.co/ZRsE5NtHd1
26.
Friendโs mom: You guys hungry? My friend: Nah we good Me: https://t.co/zvrTzDFAme
27.
The only thing men bring to the table is the audacity
28.
Two classes are still on my schedule today. However, I only have energy for one.
29.
remember when snapchat showed โbest friendsโ and we all just watched people cheat before our eyes
30.
Being an adult is having the "we have food at home" talk with yourself.
31.
Loll itโs 'BUSS ANOTHA BOKKLE A MOEโ my G! RRR!!! https://t.co/jkEwd0E9GJ
32.
Gas is like $40/full tank Carrots are like $1/pound Ya boi is getting a horse.
33.
Women are so adorable when you compliment their dress and the dress has pockets lol โHey! Thats a really nice dress!โ Woman: Thanks! IT HAS POCKETS! ๐ And then she puts her hands in them and show you lol
34.
I come on twitter to talk to myself publicly
35.
olivia: our profile says our perp was abandoned by his parents ice T: so he's got mommy AND daddy issues liv: & he's an alcoholic ice T: so he likes a lil sip sip liv: & he has erectile issues, so he's violent towards women ice T: can't beat his meat, so he beats on chicks
36.
I love US History https://t.co/ir8zbcpK5J
37.
Who else is โlimewireโ years old? ๐ค๐ค
38.
santa: -owns slaves -stalks children, watches them at all times -needs 9 reindeer to haul his fat ass the grinch: -works only with his trusty dog -ostracized from society, but forgives them for their sins anyway -asexual icon -dismantled a corrupt capitalist institution
39.
{\__/} ( โข . โข) / > ๐ Kelly, can u handle this? {\__/} ( โข . โข) / > ๐ Michelle, can u handle this? {\__/} ( โข . โข) / > ๐ Beyoncรฉ, can u handle this? {\__/} ( โข- โข) ๐< \ I donโt think u can handle this
40.
my mirror: ๐ ๐ ๐๐ฝ ๐ my camera: ๐ ๐ ๐๐ฝ ๐
41.
Black people are the biggest recyclers of plastic bags. So when you see a turtle choking, donโt look at us. All of our plastic bags are in the cabinet under the sink. ๐๐คท๐ฟโโ๏ธ
42.
Itโs payday baby. Might fuck around and buy 12 Chick-fil-A nuggets instead of 8. Get steak at chipotle. Order a soda instead of water. The world is my oyster now
43.
Yโall wanna talk about ghosting, letโs talk about jobs you apply for and never get denied or accepted
44.
Is there a support group for people who wake up on time but lay in the bed until it makes them late?
45.
Me tryna fold a fitted sheet
46.
When I start a job vs when Iโve been working there for a couple of weeks
47.
yall: 4/20 me, an intellectual: 1/5
48.
Nah she usually look like shalissa https://t.co/4k3ZI7lzr0
49.
math question: *has a decimal in it* my last 2 brain cells:
50.
DENTIST: Remember to floss! ME: ๐ ๐ ๐ / / \ \ / / ....||.........||..........||......