The (Actual) 15 Steps Of A Passover Seder

The Passover Seder is a roller coaster of emotions, frustration, and hunger. Mostly hunger.

Passover is coming up. That means all Jews worldwide need to eat special foods, change the dishes, and stock up on Manischewitz.

The main aspect of Passover is the Seder. All Seders vary in content and length, but the basic concept is the same. We tell the Passover story, while sporadically stopping to drink a little wine, eat a little parsley, but mainly just slowly wither away from hunger and boredom.

1. It's Passover! Which means traveling to Grandma's house because, let's face it, if it wasn't for her, we wouldn't observe.

2. After sitting in hours of traffic, you finally arrive to a house of all sorts of familiar and unusual smells

3. After schmoozing with cousins and uncles, it's time to find your place at the Seder table and start the story (which means we're that much closer to eating!)

4. You put on a brave face, but all you can think about is diving into that sweet sweet Charoset

5. Since you're no longer the youngest, you let your 5 year old cousin sing the 4 Questions. And it's terrible and slow and all you want to do is eat. But you still have to act like he did a good job. Because family.

6. The 10 Plagues! That point in the Seder where you dip a pinkie's worth of wine from your glass onto the plate, but really, you just put it in your mouth like a ninja.

7. Time to break a piece of matzah (The Afikomen), put it in a napkin, and hide it somewhere in the house. Later on you'll try to find it, but that same 5 year old cousin will find it faster.

8. At least your Grandpa will give you $5 anyway for "good effort"

9. More story, more matzah, more story, some bitter herbs...all you wanna do is get to the main course already!

10. At least you had a taste of Charoset and matzah to tide you over in the meantime.

11. Finally it's time to eat! All that stomach-rumbling and daydreaming has finally come to an end!

12. Now you just have to hope your Grandma's chicken isn't dry or cold. Which it usually is.

13. But now you can finally relax and gorge yourself like you always wanted.

14. After your 5th glass of Manischewitz, you're starting to make inappropriate jokes to your aunts and uncles. But who cares, you're stuffed and happy.

15. And when all is said and done, you realize that the Passover Seder is a wonderful Jewish tradition that you will continue to observe forever.

Chag Sameach and Happy Pesach everyone!