15. Why Did You Not Include This Thing Trolls
What about my thing? Why did you not talk about it.
Your piece is bad and you should feel bad.
14. Accuracy Trolls
Factual errors are bad, and, when they exist, should be corrected. You fellows are fine just as long as you ratchet down your respective egos and passive aggressive taunting.
13. First Trolls
You may not have been the first person in your social circle to lose his or her virginity, get married, graduate from college, try sushi or spend a night in jail, but you are certainly the first person to comment “FIRST” on that new One Direction video.
12. Activist Trolls
You have the internet equivalent of ADHD and no matter what is being written about, you have to establish the need for people to care about your cause. This is fine troll work if you are trying to promote a good cause and if injecting said good cause to the piece you are commenting on makes logical sense, but don’t go promoting saving the sea turtles on an automotive forum unless sea turtle shells are being used to make spark plugs.
11. Easily Offended Trolls
Granted, there is a lot of terrible stuff out there that probably deserves your outrage, but, instead of posting semi-anonymously or completely anonymously in an online forum of like minded people, why not do something in the real world to make a difference for whatever -ism you are for or against?
10. Ron Paul Trolls
We get it, you’re a libertarian revolutionary, that doesn’t mean you have to comment “RON PAUL 2016” on every video you watch on YouTube.
9. Sports Fan Trolls
Post anything about sports anywhere and, before you know it, fans of opposing teams will start belittling your sports preferences and the teams for whom you root.
8. My Life Is Slightly Different Than What’s Described Here Trolls
We get it, you are awesome. You live the dream on a daily basis. The world spins around you. But, did it ever occur to you that the internet is not a love letter to your ego?
7. Boston Sports Fan Trolls
Take the standard sports fan troll, amp up the arrogance and add the baseline understanding that every league is conspiring to keep your city from winning championships and you have a Boston Sports Fan Troll. The conspiracy narrative only goes so far though given bean town’s recent successes in all four major North American sports.
6. Smarter Than You Trolls
Look at this guy, he just graduated from college so he officially knows everything. Congratulations, now please avoid sharing your advanced knowledge in the comments section lest you demonstrate your own ignorance of the world.
5. Humble Brag Trolls
I know you are wrong because of the time I spent on safari in Kenya; speaking of which, my life is awesome.
4. Pretentious Trolls
The Internet does not care that Kraft Parmesan is not the same as Italian made Parmigiano-Reggiano. I appreciate that you like the finer things, but I am going to go ahead saying that I have lived despite having never taken part in your pretentious life.
3. Conspiracy Theory Trolls
Yes, I would love to hear more about how we are all actually slaves to a intelligent race of shape-shifting reptilian financiers. In fact, I have read the complete works of David Icke. Now, let’s get back to cat videos.
2. Grammar Trolls
Alright, I made a slight grammatically error in my writing, but you did comprehend what I wrote. I hope you don’t think your passive aggressive explanation of the differences between THERE, THEIR and THEY’RE is actually going to save the world, but I do hope it makes you feel intellectually adequate, because you, sir or madam, are among the worst group of trolls in the internet.