1. “Don’t you miss drinking?”
2. “I would never bring a child into this world right now.”
Good, because it’s my turn.
3. “Are you afraid you’re going to tear?”
Could we not discuss my vagina right now?
4. “Have you thought about naming the baby after your father-in-law, Herb?”
I guess I have to now that you brought it up in front of my mother-in-law.
5. “This game is kind of dumb.”
This is a baby shower. Of COURSE the games are dumb.
6. “I understand EXACTLY what you’re going through! Like when I adopted my kitten…”
7. “When you were taking Jäger shots and hooking up with randos in college I never thought you’d be a parent someday!”
Let’s refrain from reminiscing on college when my mother is sitting next to you, OK?
8. “You do realize you’ll never be able to go out again, right?”
Do babysitters no longer exist?
9. “Aren’t you afraid you’re going to screw this kid up?”
I’m touched by your concern, but I actually plan on being a good parent.
10. “I wish I had an excuse to eat that much.”
I’m sure you’ll think of a better one.
11. “I have a great tutorial on Kegels I’ll send you.”
Awesome! So glad you announced that to everyone here.
12. “I’m so jealous you’re getting some relaxation time in during your maternity leave!”
Yes, I’m sure my newborn will be self-sufficient during my “vacation.”
13. “Aren’t you afraid it’s going to hurt?”
They have drugs for that.
14. “Are you going to get a DNA test?”
15. “Are you worried you’re going to poop on the delivery table?”
I’ve got bigger things to worry about. Like getting this baby out of me.
16. “Your mother-in-law said she’d like to be in the delivery room with you. I told her you’d be down with it.”
17. “Such a cute name! I’m totally naming my new puppy that.”
You do that.
18. “Aren’t you sick of being pregnant?”
Not as sick as I am of this public interrogation.
This post was created by a user and has not been vetted or endorsed by BuzzFeed's editorial staff. BuzzFeed Community is a place where anyone can post awesome lists and creations. Learn more or post your buzz!