7 Ways You Can Tell You’ve Matured Past College

There comes a point in your twenties when you will mature past the simple joys of college life, but don’t panic! You’re still technically young until all your friends’ Facebook photos become baby pics. posted on

1. Raging Becomes Something Reserved for Special Occasions

You don’t really remember this, do you? That’s okay. These days are mostly behind you now anyway. No longer will you rage all night all week long, just to recuperate in classes - if you even went. Sure, there will still be nights when you will drink as heavily as you did back in your heyday, but these days will be the standouts reserved for special occasions: weddings, birthdays, little league games and the occasional Bar Mitzvah.

2. LinkedIn Is Now Your Favorite Way to Stalk

Let’s face it, passive aggressive statuses and bromantic posts can only keep your attention for so long. We all know Facebook is great in college, and nothing has yet taken its place for keeping you in touch with your friends, but LinkedIn is where you do your stalking now. Nothing can provide as much satisfaction as seeing how the jerk from high school is now passing off his position at Taco Bell as a ‘Culinary Specialist.’

3. Your Favorite College Food Tastes Like Shit

Speaking of Taco Bell, the appeal of your favorite midnight drunchie/munchies will quickly fade. You may find it hard to believe, but that foot long sandwich loaded with every fried food that your arteries quake at the sight of will quickly lose its appeal. Wait long enough, and this food will even start to give you heartburn… Apparently…

4. You Suddenly Gain Weight

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She’s not pregnant. That lady is just 33 weeks out from college graduation. Between the now limitless potential of alcohol available for your purchase, after work happy hours, and being faced with the dilemma of how to budget your finances so as to not have to resort to half off bar wings for dinner again, post-college life can be rough on you. There is also the ever looming specter of your metabolism starting to slow down.

5. You Discuss Weighty Topics At the Bar… Like Your Commute

Are your friends hunting for jobs? Well, prepare for discussions comparing work environments, office types, and pay grades during your night out. If anyone you know is apartment hunting, you can bet there will also be long talks about dream neighborhoods and the best way to commute to work from your new diggs. You’ll be amazed by how quickly everyone becomes a yuppie given the right environment.

6. Seemingly Everyone Is In Serious Relationships

Friends and acquaintances will start to become engaged. Your single female friends will start lamenting how all they want is to find a dream guy to settle down with. Couples will start moving in together. Your guy friends will slowly become more and more domesticated. No one seems to mind at all.

7. Despite The Changes, You Couldn’t Be Happier

This is just the way that life goes. For you doubters out there, just wait for it. Soon enough you too will find yourself watching a Netflix marathon on a Friday night, patting your beer belly and dreaming of settling down… And you won’t be able to imagine why anyone would want to go all the way across town to that crowded club where you can’t hear what anyone says anyway.

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