halloween

5 Zombie Outbreaks That Would Doom Us All

Rage zombies have nothing on these guys. Does your Zombie Plan account for these terrors? If not, you’re going to die.

5. Mosquitoes

These pests are already borderline ninjas, sneaking up your pant leg on a lazy summer afternoon to grab a succulent snack from behind your knee. Tiny, inconspicuous and ubiquitous, mosquitoes already spread West Nile and malaria. It’s only one mad scientist leap from that to zombie outbreak.

Weakness: Cold, Citronella

4. Cats

Cats already rule the world Internet so a zombie outbreak among our feline friends would quickly spell doom for the human race. Standard cat operating procedure already involves guttural noises, scratching and biting so who knows how long it’d take for us to notice. Once we did, our downfall would be in making new memes about zombie Ceiling Cat or trying to save our furry friends from themselves, linking our doomed fate to theirs.

Weakness: Catnip, Balls of intestine Yarn

3. Transformers

Look, we’re already one rogue robot away from destruction but at least Skynet is confined to every day machines. If Autobots go from craving Energon to human flesh these thirty foot monstrosities would make short work of our species. Plus, zombified Autobots traversing the galaxy in search of organic brains is a plague no one should have to endure.

Weaknesses: Shia LaBeouf, Electromagnetic Pulse Grenades

2. Dinosaurs

What’s scary than a pack of clever girls trying to get into the kitchen and eat you? ZOMBIE clever girls trying to get into the kitchen to eat you.

Weaknesses: Missing amino acid necessary for survival until they adapt, Jeff Goldblum

1. Pigs

No seriously. Pigs are made of bacon and bacon is delicious. Do you think you have the fortitude to resist zombified bacon? Yeah, I didn’t think so.

Weaknesses: None, humans have no willpower.

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