1. The ferry boat is a trap.
On busy days, cast members will try to lure visitors out of the monorail queue by saying the ferry boat takes the same amount of time. Do not believe their lies.
2. Your fingerprints validate your existence.
3. It's damn near impossible to walk down Main Street because everyone wants their photo op.
Professional Disney photographers, family groups, couples, forever-alone Disneyphiles — everyone is funneled down Main Street and everyone has to take their iconic picture. Including you.
4. Walt Disney believed in magic, not shade.
Sure, you see trees in the Magic Kingdom... The magic is, somehow they don't ever throw shade onto the walkways. Be prepared to drop some serious cash on an ice-cold spritzer fan.
5. He also did not believe in bench seating.
Image has been removed at the request of the copyright holder.
6. Fastpasses turn everyone into douchebags, even you.
More social experiment than queue management, a finite number of Fastpasses are doled out for popular rides every day. Get them when you can. Then cut to the front of the line while everyone seethes and hates you. Conversely, seethe and hate Fastpass riders who are ARTIFICIALLY INFLATING THESE WAIT TIMES, COME ON!
7. The Magic Kingdom calls the fireworks the "Kiss Goodnight" instead of the accurate "Kiss of Death."
8. The Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse is a trap.
9. Rides break down...a lot.
10. Cast members give zero fucks if you just take a photo of your ride photo.
Seriously. Like your on-ride photo but short on cash? Just snap a few angles from your cell phone. No will stop you. No one cares.
11. The animals are fearless hungering beasts.
12. The "interactive line" for The Haunted Mansion is also a trap.
13. Speaking of, Disney is a queue troll master.
14. Face characters no longer freely roam the park.
15. It is damn near impossible to find an ICEE on a hot day.
16. No one listens to the numerous "no flash photography" warnings.
Disney is full of dark rides that require guests to sit in the dark (obviously) and not take photos every five seconds. This is an impossibly Herculean task for some tourists, hell-bent on recording family memories and blinding everyone in the process. You are helpless to stop them.