6. Fastpasses turn everyone into douchebags, even you.
More social experiment than queue management, a finite number of Fastpasses are doled out for popular rides every day. Get them when you can. Then cut to the front of the line while everyone seethes and hates you. Conversely, seethe and hate Fastpass riders who are ARTIFICIALLY INFLATING THESE WAIT TIMES, COME ON!
7. The Magic Kingdom calls the fireworks the “Kiss Goodnight” instead of the accurate “Kiss of Death.”
The end-of-day fireworks are amazing. Stay for them! But know what you’re getting into. Literally hundreds of other guests also stayed, meaning you will all be herded, like the consumer cattle you are, into the monorails afterward. It’ll be the longest line you stand in all day.
8. The Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse is a trap.
There is never a line for this “ride” because it isn’t a ride — it is exercise masquerading as entertainment. No one under 35 even knows what this treehouse is, much less wants to climb 116 steps to look at non-animatronic sets full of Victorian-era stuff.
11. The animals are fearless hungering beasts.
That’s some nice popcorn/French fries/assorted snack you have there. It’d be a shame if something…happened to it. Whatever you do, don’t blink. Hell, some of the apparently cannibalistic birds will steal a bite of turkey leg while you’re holding it.
12. The “interactive line” for The Haunted Mansion is also a trap.
It’s definitely interactive — if you enjoy touching things literally thousands of other people have also touched — but it’s also twice as long as the regular line. It’s hidden behind a fence line for a reason.
15. It is damn near impossible to find an ICEE on a hot day.
In scorching summer heat, nothing sounds better than semi-solid frozen sugar. If you crave an ICEE though, the only place to find one in ALL the Magic Kingdom is the little snack hut nestled under the Astro Orbiter in Tomorrowland.
16. No one listens to the numerous “no flash photography” warnings.
Disney is full of dark rides that require guests to sit in the dark (obviously) and not take photos every five seconds. This is an impossibly Herculean task for some tourists, hell-bent on recording family memories and blinding everyone in the process. You are helpless to stop them.
- Former Virginia Gov. Jim Gilmore is dropping out of the race for the Republican presidential nomination. He got 133 votes in New Hampshire.
- MLB issued its first-ever lifetime ban for performance enhancing drugs to New York Mets' Jenrry Mejia.
- And how well do you know what happened in the news this week? Take our quiz.