Look here, Hollywood photographers. We need to talk. When your final images look worse than a first year college student with a dream and the promise of $50 to shoot their cousin’s wedding, something has gone amiss.
Actress Ashley Spencer and Jeremy Jordan
Filed Under: If this were Facebook, Ashley would untag herself.
Kimberly Kay and Michael Cerveris
Choosing the picture that makes your subject look bored to tears is how we got the “Kristen Stewart never smiles” myth.
Actor John Lithgow (R) and Mary Yeager
Has taking a photo angled from BENEATH the subject in order to exacerbate a double chin ever been the right choice? No.
Nina Arianda (L) and Judith Light
Why is this angle an option? No matter how good the subject looks, everyone is distracted by all the background noise.
Michael Cerveris and guest
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!
Actress Cote de Pablo
I only posted this to show that guy who is completely creeping on her.
Tightening the shot doesn’t do anything but bring Christian’s lazy eye into stark relief on top of making us wonder who is holding that red phallic object in the background.
Actor David Alan Grier (L)
Candid laughter shots are a crapshoot. They make you look like you’re enjoying yourself at the expense of distorting your features. Also, if only one of you is laughing, that’s a little awkward.
Brian Stokes Mitchell and Allyson Tucker
Despite this, the laughing couple theme is recurring.
Trey Parker and Emma Sugiyama
The wild Trey unhinges its jaw in order to more easily swallow prey whole.
Actress Jessica Chastain
Pro-Tip: The “deer caught in headlights” look is appropriate for paparazzi shots, not red carpet ceremonies.
Actress Beth Leavel
Seen here: An image that would be rightfully left on the cutting room floor in any wedding photography studio in America.
A series of unfortunate close-ups.
Actress Celia Keenan-Bolger
Actress Tyne Daly
Are you actively trying to make these women look bad? Did your mother not hug you enough during photography school?
Actress Elena Roger
“Doesn’t this look like the world’s nicest mug shot?” is not a feeling you want to elicit.
Maybe it’s not your fault. Maybe they sent two drunken monkeys in lieu of a team of professional…oh.
Laura Bell Bundy
Yet with dozens of you snapping away, THIS is what you turn out.
Actors Caissie Levy and Richard Fleeshman
Seriously guys? You are giving professional photography a bad name.
Okay you get a pass here. No amount of lighting will make this disaster look any better.
Also this one. There’s only so much you can do with cutlet cheek implants.
A Caveat: As with monkeys, typewriters, and writing Shakespeare, even the worst gallery will have a couple of gems. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t make these fabulous people look bad.
Actress Bernadette Peters
Actor John Stamos