1. Thank You, Fast Food Employees!
Without you, everyone would be forced to eat Aunt Mildred’s green Jell-O stuffed with carrots and God knows what else.
2. Thank You, Firefighters!
Without you, Christmas would end in an electrical fire (and tears) from abusing the amount of lights one circuit can conceivably handle.
3. Thank You, Big Box Worker!
Without you, we’d have to wait a whole day (or more!) to return these awful gifts. No I don’t have a receipt.
4. Thank You, Pizza Delivery Guy!
Without you, we’d actually have to put pants on today. #ForeverAlone
5. Thank You, Gas Station Attendant!
Without you, where would we buy last minute booze and cigarettes to keep our family gatherings from turning ugly?
6. Thank You, Mass Transit Workers!
Without you, we’d be forced to drive. And that’s probably a bad idea.
7. Thank You, Hospital Staff!
Without you, where would we go to treat these second degree burns brought on by thinking roasting chestnuts on an open fire was a good idea?
8. Thank You, Movie Theater Employees!
Without you, we’d actually have to talk to our extended families today.
9. Thank You, Police Officers!
Without you, we wouldn’t be driving ten miles under the speed limit because seriously, how many glasses of Egg Nog did I have tonight? Act cool, act cool.