How To Remain Single

Trust me.

1. Sleep with multiple penguins in your bed.

Mine are stuffed, but if you can manage real ones, more power to you.

2. Always have a bottle of wine at the ready.

This is a very important step. Don’t forget it.

3. Become too invested in TV shows.

“One time my friend… oh. No, that was on TV.”

4. Be one of the guys.

Be more passionate during sporting events. Beat them in video games.

5. Be one of the girls.

Tell them to get bangs to hide their long forehead.

6. Choose career over love.

You gotta do you, love be damned.

7. Don’t let your friends force you to meet people.

Why give out your name and number? You won’t see them again.

8. Judge people on their inability to put together a full sentence.

It’s not a superiority complex… but did you attend school ever?

9. Keep a good attitude about being single.

See how we joke?


You can do whatever you want! Legally. I can’t be held responsible for your actions.

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