106 Reader Stereotypes Based On Their Favorite Authors

A few years ago Lauren Leto, creator of Texts From Last Night, posted a blog entry describing people based on the authors they love. She has since published a book based on this post called Judging a Book by Its Lover. I felt it was time to give this hilarious and staggering list the Buzzfeed Treatment™

1. J.D. Salinger

reactiongifs.com / Via reactiongifs.com

Kids who don’t fit in (duh).

2. Stephanie Meyer

ByahZack / Via cheezburger.com

People who type like this: OMG. Mah fAvvv <3 <3.

3. J.K. Rowling

iamafluffybunny / Via tumblr.com

Smart geeks.

4. Jack Kerouac

Via i.imgur.com

Umphrey's McGee Fans.

5. Jeffrey Eugenides

Ben Robinson / Via thrillist.com

Girls who didn’t get enough drama when they were younger.

6. Lauren Weisberger

Via giphy.com

Girls who can’t read. Or think.

7. Jonathan Safran Foer

30somethings who were cool when they were 20something.

8. Jodi Picoult

Via reactiongifs.com

Your mom when she’s at her time of the month.

9. Chuck Klosterman

Via giphy.com

Boys who don't read.

10. Chuck Palahniuk

Luis Pedrosa / Via salon.com

Boys who can't read.

11. Christopher Hitchens

Via tumblr.com

People I would love to hang out with.

12. Leo Tolstoy

Via tumblr.com

Guys I want to date.

13. Fyodor Dostoevsky

Via everybodyreadingbooks.tumblr.com

Guys I want to sleep with. (The difference between the two Russian authors lies in the fact that I think the Underground Man is sexier than Pierre Buzukhov).

14. Christopher Buckley (or William F. Buckley)

Via psycho-gun.tumblr.com

People who love excess verbiage.

15. Ayn Rand

Via blingee.com

Workaholics seeking validation.

16. David Foster Wallace

Dennis Johnson / Via mhpbooks.com

Confirmed 90’s literati.

17. Jane Austen (or Bronte Sisters)

Via logotv.tumblr.com

Girls who made out with other girls in college when they were going through a “phase”.

18. Haruki Murakami

Via dubeat.com

People who like good music.

19. Ralph Waldo Emerson

Via nwwoodsman.com

People who can start a fire.

20. Nathaniel Hawthorne

Via gifak.net

People who used to sleep so heavy that they would pee their pants.

21. Charles Dickens

Via reactiongifs.com

Ninth graders who think they’re going to be authors someday but end up in marketing.

22. William Shakespeare

People who like bondage.

23. Mark Twain

Via vunie.com

Liars.

24. Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

Via wordpress.com

People who drink scotch.

25. Joseph Conrad

Via cdn.uproxx.com

People who drink old fashioneds.

26. Dominick Dunne

Via google.com

People who get their class from Vanity Fair.

27. Anne Rice

Via tumblr.com

People who don’t use conditioner in their hair.

28. Edgar Allan Poe

Via tumblr.com

Men who live in their mother’s basements. Or goth seventh graders.

29. Michael Crichton

Via tumblr.com

Doctors who went to third-tier medical schools.

30. John Grisham

Via tumblr.com

Doctors who went to medical schools in the Dominican Republic.

31. Dan Brown

Via google.com

People who used to get lost in supermarkets when they were kids.

32. Dave Eggers

Via wedatenerds.com

Guys who are in the third coolest frat of a private college.

33. Emily Giffin

Via wordpress.com

Women who give their boyfriend marriage ultimatums.

34. Richard Russo

Via cdn.sheknows.com

People whose favorite day in elementary school was “Grandparent’s Day”.

35. Anais Nin

Via tumblr.com

Librarians.

36. Margaret Atwood

Via cdn.relaxpics.com

Women whose favorite color is hunter green.

37. William Faulkner

Via i307.photobucket.com

People who are good at crosswords.

38. Jackie Collins

i.perezhilton.com

Your drunk stepmother.

39. Nicholas Sparks

Via i1.ytimg.com

Women who are usually constipated.

40. James Patterson

Via sunnieleeportfolio.weebly.com

Men who score a 153 on their LSAT exam.

41. Sylvia Plath

Via wordpress.com

Girls who keep journals (too easy).

42. George Orwell

Via i.imgur.com

Conspiracy theorists (too easy).

43. Aldous Huxley

Via i.imgur.com

People who are bigger conspiracy theorists than Orwell fans.

44. Harper Lee

Via tumblr.com

People who have read only one book in their life and it was To Kill A Mockingbird (and it was their assigned reading in the ninth grade).

45. Nick Hornby

Via files.sharenator.com

Guys who wear skinny jeans and the girls that love them.

46. Ernest Hemingway

Via quickmeme.com

Men who own cottages.

47. F. Scott Fitzgerald

Via data3.whicdn.com

People who get adjustable-rate mortgages.

48. Vladimir Nabokov

Via goslinger.tumblr.com

Men who use words like ‘dubious’ and ‘tenacity’.

49. Friedrich Nietzsche

Via memecreator.org

Sommeliers.

50. Bret Easton Ellis

Via lifeboxset.com

Foo Fighters’ fans.

51. Hunter S Thompson

Via pinterest.com

That kid in your philosophy class with the stupid tattoo.

52. Cormac McCarthy

Via 1by4by9.tumblr.com

Men who don’t eat cream cheese.

53. Thomas Aquinas

Via stpeterslist.com

Premature ejaculators.

54. Pearl S. Buck

Women whose favorite president was Harry S. Truman.

55. Toni Morrison

Via thebillfold.com

Female high-school English professors who only have an undergraduate degree.

56. Thomas Pynchon

Via themodernword.com

People who used to be fans of J.D. Salinger.

57. Elizabeth Gilbert

Via confessionsofanartmajor.blogspot.com

Women who liked the movie “Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood” but didn’t read the book.

58. Rebecca Wells

Via etsy.com

Women on the East coast who wish they were from the South.

59. Tama Janowitz

Via entertainment.ie

Cougars who went to an urban college in the 80s.

60. Alice Sebold

Via wordpress.com

People who liked Gilmore Girls – even in the first season.

61. Michael Swanwick

Via troll.me

Men who argue Neil Gaiman is overrated.

62. Terry Goodkind

Via blogger.com

People who have never been dungeons master but still play D&D.

63. Stephen King

Via s2.quickmeme.com

11th graders who peed their pants while watching the movie It.

64. H.P. Lovecraft

Via tumblr.com

People who can quote the Comic Book Guy from Simpsons.

65. Brothers Grimm

Via d2tq98mqfjyz2l.cloudfront.net

Only children with Oedipal complexes.

66. Lewis Carroll

Via tumblr.com

People who move to Thailand after high school for the drug scene.

67. C.S. Lewis

Via jukupop.com

Youth group leaders who picked their nose in the 4th grade.

68. Elmore Leonard

Via wp.patheos.com.s3.amazonaws.com

People who know how to perform a “Michigan left”.

69. Shel Silverstein

Via brainpickings.org

Girls who can’t spell “leheim”.

70. Douglas Adams

Via tumblr.com

People who bought the first generation Amazon Kindle.

71. Tucker Max

Via quickmeme.com

Guys who haven’t convinced their girlfriends to try anal yet.

72. Alexis de Tocqueville

Via tumblr.com

Political theory and constitutional democracy majors.

73. Tom Clancy

Via People who skipped school by hiding out in the gym.

People who skipped school by hiding out in the gym.

74. Herman Hesse

Via welshantiques.com

People who own one straw chair in their house.

75. Phillippa Gregory

Via innvirginia.com

Women who have repressed their desire to go to Renaissance Festivals

76. Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Via entertainmentwallpaper.com

Men who can’t lie but will instead be silent if they know you don’t want to hear the truth.

77. Susan Wiggs

Via img1.imagesbn.com

Older women who are surprisingly loud during sex.

78. Nicole Krauss

Via upload.wikimedia.org

Girls who intern at Nylon but end up moving back to the Midwest for their real job.

79. Mitch Albom

Via i1.ytimg.com

People who didn’t go to college but do well on crossword puzzles.

80. Stieg Larsson

Via tumblr.com

Girls who are too frightened to go skydiving.

81. Sue Grafton

Via static.businessinsider.com

Women who have an @aol.com email address.

82. Seth Grahame-Smith

Via goodsmartphone.com

People who own a smart phone which requires a stylus to use it.

83. David Baldacci

Via images.sodahead.com

No one. Even the police say Clancy before they’ll say Baldacci.

84. Michael Pollan

Via bushwickdaily.com

The girl who just turned vegan to cover up her eating disorder.

85. Andrew Ross Sorkin

Via uploads.neatorama.com

People who refer to themselves as “playing devil’s advocate”.

86. O. Henry

Via huntingbusinessmarketing.com

Men who have names like Earl or Cliff and were really close with their paternal grandfather.

87. Virginia Woolf

Via i.telegraph.co.uk

Female high-school French teachers who have their master’s degree.

88. Michael Chabon

Via lib.berkeley.edu

People who hate Ayelet Waldman.

89. Ray Bradbury

Via initialimpression-embroidery.com

People who own golf head covers.

90. Joseph Heller

Via reactiongifs.com

People who love buying drinks for their friends. See also, people who cringe when they see their bar tab.

91. David Mitchell

Via tumblr.com

Women who live in any area of Brooklyn other than Park Slope, but may end up there someday and if that day comes, they will switch to Barbara Kingsolver fans.

92. Max Barry

Via blogger.com

People who don’t mind the color orange.

93. Dean Koontz

Via doblelol.com

People who would never dream of owning any type of “toy” breed dog.

94. John Irving

Via cityoffilms.com

People whose parents are divorced.

95. Richard Dawkins

Via turbolego.com

People who have their significant other grab them under the table in order to shut them up whenever someone else at a dinner says something absolutely ridiculous and wrong.

96. Salman Rushdie

Via laobserved.com

People who google image search Padma Lakshmi late at night.

97. Albert Camus

Via weknowmemes.com

People who went to art school after “trying it out” at a public university.

98. Kurt Vonnegut

Via tumblr.com

People who played Creep by Radiohead while having sex or smoking pot. Longer explanation here.

99. James Joyce

Via data1.whicdn.com

People who do not like John Cusack movies.

100. Charlaine Harris

Via copypasterepost.com

Elementary school teacher’s aids.

101. Jorge Luis Borges

Via payload144.cargocollective.com

People who took care of their dying grandparents.

102. Terry Pratchett

Via static.fjcdn.com

People who really like monkeys.

103. Oscar Wilde

Via toptenz.net

People who can’t resist anything. See also, people who claim they’re going to change but never do.

104. Truman Capote

Via tumblr.com

People who would never dream of owning anything that could be classified as a “knick-knack”.

105. Tom Wolfe

Via mlkshk.com

People who don’t mind others smoking around them.

106. Neil Gaiman

Via tumblr.com

People who can name at least two Miyazaki films.

107.

Via studded-hearts.com

You can find Lauren Leto on Twitter and, if you enjoyed this post, check out her book: Judging a Book by its Lover

Post Main Image by Paul Domenick