10 Golden Quotations From Boris Johnson

The Mayor of London is the gift that keeps on giving when it comes to observations about life, the universe and everything. Here are ten of his best;

1. On Winning London's Mayoral Race

Via pallmallbarbers.com

"Never in my life did I think I would be congratulated by Mick Jagger for achieving anything."

2. On Voting Tory

Via thetimes.co.uk

"Voting Tory will cause your wife to have bigger breasts and increase your chances of owning a BMW M3."

3. On Doing Coke

Via i.telegraph.co.uk

"I think I was once given cocaine but I sneezed so it didn't go up my nose. In fact, it may have been icing sugar."

4. On Jihadists

Via i.dailymail.co.uk

"If you look at all the psychological profiling about bombers, they typically will look at porn. They are literally w*nkers. Severe onanists."

5. On Nick Clegg

Via leftfootforward.org

He "...fulfil(s) a very important ceremonial function as David Cameron's kind of lapdog-cum-prophylactic protection service"

6. On being fired from the Shadow Cabinet

Via i.guim.co.uk

"Nothing excites compassion, in friend and foe alike, as much as the sight of you ker-splonked on the Tarmac with your propeller buried six feet under."

7. On Tony Blair

Via thesundaytimes.co.uk

"It is just flipping unbelievable. He is a mixture of Harry Houdini and a greased piglet. He is barely human in his elusiveness. Nailing Blair is like trying to pin jelly to a wall."

8. On Hillary Clinton

Via d.ibtimes.co.uk

"She's got dyed blonde hair and pouty lips, and a steely blue stare, like a sadistic nurse in a mental hospital"

9. On Watching the Women's Volleyball at the 2012 Olympics

Via i.dailymail.co.uk

"They are like glistening wet otters frolicking."

10. On Becoming Prime Minister

Via blogs.telegraph.co.uk

"My chances of being PM are about as good as the chances of finding Elvis on Mars, or my being reincarnated as an olive."