Things I Hear While Riding My Bike In LA

Riding your bike in the city is like being an open nerve made of egg shells in a pin ball machine, and you wouldn't believe what some people scream at you.

"The road is for cars only!"

No, they're not. In fact, if a bike wanted to it could take up any lane and you'd legally have to sit behind them while your hatred boils over. Be thankful they don't.

"Ride on the sidewalk"

We can't. It's illegal and super dangerous to pedestrians. That's like telling trains they can only operate on streets but should go full speed.

"You're going to kill yourself!"

No, actually. Statistically speaking, you're going to kill me.

"Get a car, hipster!"

More often than not, we have cars. We've just figured out that bikes are faster in the city and easier to park.

"You're gonna cause an accident!"

Not as much as your texting, phone calls, youtube videos, coffee, children kicking your back seat... You get it. We're riding with our full attention on everything around us. Are you driving that way?

"You're going too slow!"

Trust me, we're not.

"You look like an asshole!"

Yeah, but can an asshole do this?

"The cross walk is for walking!"

You know what, buddy?

"You're wearing a helmet? Good. There's a lot of crazy drivers out there. Be careful."

Hey, old lady. Thanks for those kind awesome words.