1. Your Keys
Nice! They're still in your pocket. Excellent work! You might have had to use the cat door. Again.
2. Your Cats and/or Dogs
You're astounded by their profound love for you, amazed that members of different species could even share affection at all! They are your family. You'll use that weird baby voice to talk to them for entirely too long.
3. The Expensive Alcohol You Were Saving for a Special Occasion
4 a.m. after the bar? Sounds special enough! You're at double the legal limit; now, let's go for the hat trick!
4. Down Roommates
You want nothing more than for them to join you in your late-night merrymaking, and you announce as much, loudly. They're more than happy to climb aboard your party barge, especially with the imported Absinthe you just opened.
5. Bagel Bites
A Bagel Bite is the collision of two perfect things, making one even more perfect thing! Their empty boxes are proof positive of a successful evening.
6. Your Favorite 90s Cartoons
Wrap yourself in the comfort blanket of your old Saturday Morning Cartoons for a trip down the back alleys of your youth. Laugh as you've never laughed before, even as a little kid. Were these guys always this great?
7. Twitter
The inebriated Tweet: honesty requires no explanation.
8. Complete Journey Discography
Feel things you've never felt before while songs you've always mocked suddenly tell the story of your life.
You should never have stopped believing.
9. Frozen Sliders from White Castle
Your palate is refined and requires variety. With the Bagel Bites long gone, you slip into slider territory. They're frozen, so you don't have to drive anywhere!
10. A Guitar
Remember that Sublime song you learned in high school? It's finally time to play it again. You've never been so into it. You'll look and sound INCREDIBLE... to you.
11. A Phone Number
What's this in your pocket? Yes! You've finally retrieved his/her number! It's scribbled hastily on a napkin. Now, liquid courage is giving you access to the intricate depths of your poetic soul! It's time to bare your lonely heart! It's time to write the magnum opus of your-
Wait, where's your phone?
12. Your Phone!
AHA! It was in the pocket where you never put anything, ever, except on nights like tonight, next to an Avatar ticket stub from 2009. You immediately use it to profess your undying love in an epic text, mustering all the romantic genius you've kept inside for these long hours!
Five minutes pass. You panic.
13. A Cuddle Buddy
Success! SUCCESS! Your feelings are mutual. You've both won a friend for the evening. Keep each other warm tonight, and sleep in! You decide when tomorrow begins.
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