1. The Morton’s Salt Girl: The surly teen
Look at how wasteful she’s being. Pouring salt out everywhere she goes. She’s being passive aggressive because, she’s super pissed that she doesn’t have proper rain gear on, and that no one would give her a ride.
2. Chester Cheetah: The douche
He’s a mega douche. Right? That guy has never been up to any good. He’s super into extreme sports and is a reckless snowboarder, basketball player, BMX rider and thinks he looks really ridiculous on that rocket. He’s just over compensating.
He also might be Wiz Khalifia
3. Mcdonald’s Grimace: The Nightmare
Grimace is the real bad guy. Not the Hamburglar. For starters, what is he? No one should trust an unidentified species. He’s also a former milkshake thief. Criminals don’t change over night.
4. Hawaiian Punch Punchy: The violent bully
He punches random people on the street!! Who does that? Maybe he wasn’t hugged enough as a child..who knows. He’s totally plotting against his next victim right now. Watch out! You don’t wanna get Hawaiian punched.
Look at this poor unsuspecting sucker
5. The Burger King Kid’s Club: The street gang
Their names are Kid Vid, IQ, Lingo, Jaws, Snaps, Wheels and Boomer. Those are gang names. They’re the types of kids that totally knock over mailboxes. But, they also might be spies. Where do children get gadgets like that?
6. Caesar - The evil totalitarian
Ok well for starters…he’s a Caesar. Some of them were nice but, not this guy. Who knows what kind of stuff he’s up to. He could be plotting agains the Roman Empire or, force feeding them pizza.
7. Mister Softee: The sociopath.
He’s a guy who cruises around neighborhoods in a white truck. That’s weird. No? What are his intentions? Who knows what he has hiding in that cone head. It could be anything. ANYTHING. He may look like a well dressed normal guy in a suit but, so did Patrick Bateman.
8. Little Utz Girl: The shoplifter
She wants you to think that she’s all cute and innocent but really, she’s hiding something in that bag. It could be anything from stolen bubble gum or human heads.
9. Mr. Peanut: The con man
He has a cane and, he doesn’t seem to be limping or in need of one. Why does an able bodied peanut need a cane? It’s all a sham. That’s a weapon. He also looks like the type of guy that would sell you bad fake IDs.
Guess who is the voice of Mr. Peanut?
Yeah…nothing but trouble.
10. Little Debbie - The problem child
She has a devious twinkle in her eye. She’s up to something and, we shouldn’t eat that snack. Not at all. She did something to compromise it. People don’t just give away snacks without an agenda.
11. Quicky: The taunter
That is not a trust worthy face at all. He knows you want that chocolate milk and, he’s gonna taunt you for a bit. He’s going to dangle that in front of your face and make you beg while laughing at you.
12. Snap, Crackle and Pop -The terrible 3
They’re gnomic elves (who knew that was a thing) and, there’s something troubling about what they do to get cereal to make noise? It’s gotta be illegal Chinese firecrackers.
13. Noid: The terrifying adult man in a bunny costume
His name is short for paranoid which is how he makes people feel. This guys is a wild card. We can’t exactly know what he’s up to but, one can assume it’s voyeurism.
14. Jolly Green Giant: The Womanizer
He’s the kinda guy that gets by on his muscles and good looks. He’s the John Mayer of vegetables. He’ll give you the night of your life and never call you back.
15. Cheesasaurus Rex: The Prankster
Here’s a guy with something up his sleeve. He probably has a horrible sense of humor and, you can tell he goes around giving people wedgies. He takes pranks way too far and is like that creep uncle that makes you feel uncomfortable.
16. Duncan: The Daredevil
Look at that guy. He’s about to get into some crazy sh*#t. He’s skydiving and he doesn’t have a parachute. What a nut! He lives on the edge and that’s not always a good thing.
Fun fact: This was the voice of Duncan
John Cameron Mitchell!!! Whaaaa?!!!
17. The NEW Chuck E. Cheese: The anarchist punk
The old Chuck E. Cheese was a fun pizza loving mouse. This guy? This is a dirty squatter who has a doberman and plays guitar on the street. He gets mad at people in suits and hates “Corporate America”.
18. Dig’em Frog: The Reckless Youth
He might be cool to hang out with at first because he seems like a really good skateboarder and has cool friends that freestyle rap. But he’s also the guy that graffiti’s on libraries.
19. The New Grape Maid: The Wino
She used to be a nice lady but now she’s up to no good. Things went downhill for her after a messy divorce and now she’s single and ready to mingle.
20. Cool Spot: The litter bug
He’s hiding behind his sunglasses he always wears. He’s trouble. He had his own video game where he and surfed on soda bottles. Bottles don’t belong in the ocean.
21. The Keebler Elf: The dirty old man
He’s an elf and they are always getting into trouble. Is that chocolate he’s holding or something else brown? He’s a dirty old man who probably has large unpaid bar tabs at strip clubs.
22. Boo Berry: The Druggie
He’s on all kinds of drugs. Look at those eyelids. He’s the Pete Doherty of ghosts. He could be getting into all kinds of trouble. Ghost trouble and drug trouble.
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