1. Sportsball is a game for 1-15 players.
Back of the net!
2. The aim of sportsball is to score more goaldowns than the other team.
5. Das ist Freizeitball!
That’s what the German’s call Sportsball, made-up-fact fans!
6. Players, known as Sportsnauts, can be motivated solely by ‘palmswats’ to the gluteal zone.
7. Sportsnauts greet each other like this.
8. And wear their own names on their jerseys to make it easier for friends to find them.
9. Games are known as “kickytime” and last from Friday night to Monday night.
11. The coaching staff is entirely female, and communicate orders via semaphore.
12. Their tiny outfits improve airflow and encourage applause, or “schwanzstiffen”, among men in the crowd.
Sportsball. What a game.
13. Sportsnauts are also competing to see who can cheat, or purposefail, with the most style.
14. Purposefailing is actively encouraged as long as it is done with skill, flair, and commitment.
Fun fact: Sportsnauts have sensitive lugholes.
15. A popular meme among purposefailers is “platooning”.
Just like Willem Dafoe!
16. The current world champion of purposefailing is this guy.
Nigerian goalkeeper Austin Ejide.
18. When the crowd think their team are doing well, they salute them with “truffleshuffles”.
22. The game is controlled by referees, known as whistlebastards.
32. High five!