1. Sportsball is a game for 1-15 players.
Back of the net!
2. The aim of sportsball is to score more goaldowns than the other team.
5. Das ist Freizeitball!
That’s what the German’s call Sportsball, made-up-fact fans!
6. Players, known as Sportsnauts, can be motivated solely by ‘palmswats’ to the gluteal zone.
7. Sportsnauts greet each other like this.
8. And wear their own names on their jerseys to make it easier for friends to find them.
9. Games are known as “kickytime” and last from Friday night to Monday night.
11. The coaching staff is entirely female, and communicate orders via semaphore.
12. Their tiny outfits improve airflow and encourage applause, or “schwanzstiffen”, among men in the crowd.
Sportsball. What a game.
13. Sportsnauts are also competing to see who can cheat, or purposefail, with the most style.
14. Purposefailing is actively encouraged as long as it is done with skill, flair, and commitment.
Fun fact: Sportsnauts have sensitive lugholes.
15. A popular meme among purposefailers is “platooning”.
Just like Willem Dafoe!
16. The current world champion of purposefailing is this guy.
Nigerian goalkeeper Austin Ejide.
18. When the crowd think their team are doing well, they salute them with “truffleshuffles”.
22. The game is controlled by referees, known as whistlebastards.
26. Children are trained to excel in Sportsball from an early age.
28. Unfortunately some people only realise that as adults.
32. High five!
- Illinois' attorney general has asked the U.S. Department of Justice's Civil Rights Division to investigate Chicago's police department. ›
- It's World AIDS Day — 35 million people have died from AIDS-related conditions, and more than 34 million people are living with the disease. ›
- Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg says he'll give away 99% of his Facebook shares (worth $45 billion today) over the course of his life. ›