1. Find the perfect recipe (see below)
You’re gonna need:
6 tablespoons olive oil
4 garlic cloves
2 yellow onions
2 bell peppers (any color is fine)
1 teaspoon basil
1 teaspoon oregano
1 teaspoon thyme
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon pepper
1/3 cup red wine
2 cups canned tomatoes
1/2 cup tomato sauce
3. Slice and dice your veggies
Cut up the zucchini, eggplant, bell peppers, garlic and onions into cubes. Be careful not to cut yourself, and watch out for French girls who are willing to do it for you.
4. Cookin time!
In an uncovered pot, saute the veggies in hot oil until softened.
If you are someone who has trouble making ramen or gets nervous when cooking for guests, now is the time to throw out some fun French words. Try “bonjour,” ” à la mode” or “baguette.” These are sure to impress people.
If at any time there is an uncomfortable lull in your guests’ conversation, feel free to shout “get ze rat!” in your most stereotypical, slightly-offensive, French accent.
5. Add your spices
Add the basil, oregano, thyme, salt and pepper. None of that “to taste” stuff unless you’re Giada De Laurentiis (call me).
6. Get some tomato in there
If you’re watching the movie while you’re cooking, you should be seeing Linguini saunter around his apartment like a gangly, freckled zombie about now.
If Remy is still alone, you’re cheating. And if Linguini is making an omelet, your vegetables are burning and you should break out the microwave spaghetti while there’s still time.
7. Add the red wine and bring to a boil
Leave the bottle out. Seems wrong to put it away now that it’s open…
8. Simmer over low heat for 30-45 minutes (uncovered)
No timer? Have three glasses of wine and check between refills.
9. Plate it
Add some parmesan cheese on top and a few flakes of parsley (to make it fancy) and it’s ready to serve! It may not look as good as Pixar animation, but I guarantee it tastes better than your TV screen.
It’s an all caps moment. Are you even ready for this? I mean, it’s no mac and cheese-stuffed hotdog, but damn - this dish’s got taste AND class.
11. Take a breather
Yep, you did it. No one thought you could cook fancy shmancy French food, but hey! Anyone can cook. Now pour yourself a glass of wine and take a second to admire how cultured you are.