5 Greatest City Names in the World

A history lesson about 5 cities with names your mom doesn't want to hear you say (ok, they are fake stories but the places are real)

• 5. Dildo, Newfoundland, Canada

  

  Home to female love sticks and those unfortunate humans referred to simply as Newfies. Plans for a neighboring village to be renamed Fleshlight were scrapped after the recent introduction of the Avatar themed fleshlight killed the sex-drive of men everywhere…well everywhere outside of the World of Warcraft.

• 4. Fucking, Austria

  

  It was long-held that Mozart used to vacation in Fucking. He loved the rolling meadows and swore he wrote his best concertos in the fresh mountain breezes just beyond the towns famous sign. Just before he passed he penned a letter, likely to Penthouse forum, describing how he yearned to be fucking in Fucking.

• 3. Pussy, Anus & Condom, France

  

  France seems to have a bevy of great town names and I’m sure they all have a great story as to how they came to be but here we reminisce on how precisely they describe the French themselves. The French are clearly Pussies (to be fair I’m mostly French). A frenchman has never met a war that he won’t run from. Anus is what the French have clenched so tightly that no Frenchman is scheduled to smile until at least 2069, the year they finally get the joke. Finally we come to condom, a receptacle for semen…are we clear on that one? Thought so.

• 2. Twatt, Shetland, Scotland

  

  Our friends across the Atlantic aren’t shy when it comes to two things, the drink and the curse. Twatt came upon its name when the town drunk, Alban Cullen, decided on a whim to actually leave the bar early one night only to find his red hair chested wife under what looked to be an orca but upon closer inspection was the portly lady from up the way, Donetta. He died instantly. The very next day the magistrate wrote the first law on record banning gay marriage and included in it a changing of the town name so the women-folk would remember “where thou shalt not stick thy face”.

• 1. Tittybong, Victoria, Australia

  

  Tittybong flew under the radar of great city names until last year when they began an advertising campaign to drive up tourism and topless marijuana use. Cue Tess Taylor of Pretty Wild fame. Sadly the campaign was dropped when pot enthusiasts cried foul over a spokeswoman who had neither dreadlocks nor unkempt underarm hair. Nevertheless, Tittybong tops our list; teaching women a valuable lesson, tits always win.