26 Things Women Over 30 Want In A Man

In your 20s, you date for fun. In your 30s, you date with strategy.

Aw that's real sweet that you love dogs, let's get down to brass tacks playa.

1. The ability to pass a background check.

That is a VERY nice business card, but I'm going to need a bit more background info, Patrick. I need to know if you're a registered sex offender, convicted felon, vehicular manslaughterer (is that a word), etc. before we proceed on a 2nd date. You're hot and all, but I need to know you're not going to "listen to your dark passenger" while I'm not looking and hack me to pieces.

2. Good Credit

Nothing screams marriage material like never paying your bills on time .. or at all. Ok, so you had 20 credit cards in your 20s ... that you paid at random. Let's start cleaning that up. Let's see what the SUZE has to say, shall we.

3. A Career ... not a Job

Hey, we all do what we can to pay our bills. And a sister is SUPER greatful that you're not just sitting on the couch watching Sharknado on repeat, but I'm going to need you to aspire be more than the shift manager at Long John Silvers. Manager, manager? Own a Franchise? Give me a good reason why you're coming home smelling of fried fish.

4. A minimal number of ex-wives ... and baby mamas

Hey, we're 30. You may have, I don't know, had a life before me. That's cool. But we're 30, not 50. You shouldn't be on your 4th ex-wife and 6th "babies mama". #slowdown

5. No Roommates

Nothing says, walk of shame like your roommate giving Monday morning quarterback notes on our "grown folks" activities from the previous evening.

**Give you until 35 to clear this up if you live in NY or LA

6. No Dutch

I mean pick up the damn check. I do not mean no hot hot hot dutch men like Mads Mikkelsen.

Or Nikolaj Coster-Waldau

Bonus Yum.

7. And Pick a Good Restaurant

Bonus points if you have a good restaurant on stand-by in your mind, no matter what side of town you may be on. Safest bet is American Bistro and branch out from there.

8. Good Taste in Furniture

Graduate from Ikea to West Elm ... or at least Crate and Barrel ... Ashley's Furniture ... something! Just try. Make your house look like a home. You're not in the dorms anymore.

9. A Decent Car

You don't have to be balling out of control. But your car should have been made within the last 10 years.

Cool points if your weekend car looks like this.

Your everyday car shouldn't look like this

None of #9 applies if you live in NYC proper.

10. Someone who likes to go out ...

11. But knows how to bring their ass home!

No one wants a dude who stays out all night, every night, thinks okay to come home at 2, 3, 4a.m. You should have been asleep for 6 hours already.

12. Someone who know's how to cook

You should know and have practiced 4 good meals at minimum. 2 straight up dinner entrees, 1 that could be dinner or lunch and 1 good breakfast. Bonus points if you can do a soup from scratch, and if that breakfast includes a poached egg and/or a killer hollandaise.

13. And clean!

You may not WANT to scrub the kitchen floor, but you should know how! And this goes double for laundry. Too busy and/or too rich, hire a maid. But if Flaca goes sick, you should know how to unload the damn dishwasher.

14. Confident NOT Arrogant

There is a definitive line between take charge and asshole. Learn where that line is and stick to your chosen side.

15. Dress like a man not a frat boy

You don't have to be in a suit to look nice. Just look like you put in some time into your appearance ... but not TOO much.

16. Hold an Interesting Conversation

Be able to hold your own. No one wants to be on a date giving a monologue or worse pulling teeth trying to get a reply.

17. Well Read.

I don't care if it's newspapers, books, magazines or all 3. Know something about the world.

18. Decent Taste in Music

This one you may not be able to help that much because music is solely subjective and its supposed to move the soul. Perhaps your soul is wired differently or just ... wrong. But be open to expanding your horizons. Chances are that really popular band you love (and/or should be embarrassed about) has an indie cousin who's probably cooler and better ... and cheaper to go see live.

19. Good relationship with their mother

BUT not a mama's boy!

Or at the very least, a good therapist.

20. A sense of adventure

We don't have to scale Mt. Kilimanjaro but we can venture out of our comfort zone for a while.

21. Know how to give and receive love.

22. Ditto with compliments.

23. A future.

If you want a woman who's not looking to at minimum become your girlfriend, but probably get married and/or push out babies in the next 5-10 years, there are plenty of newly minted baby adults who just graduated from high school you pedo. You want a woman and a future and a life, let's grab a cocktail and discuss hopes and dreams. Remember it's only a discussion. If neither of us like what we hear, we're free to go on our merry way - no hard feelings, no time wasted, no vandalized cars.

24. An Equal

Let's go into this partnership 50/50 split on power, happiness, chores and bills. That's the only way ERRBODY gonna be happy for an extended period of time. When that balance is off ... all types of problems.

25. Loyalty, Honesty & Fidelty

Why are they lumped together? Because they're the same damn thing. Keep it in your pants sparky. Be where you say you're going to be. Ain't nobody got time to be keeping tabs on you. Act like you would act when your woman is around even when she's not and there will be no issue.

26. Last but not least ... Sex.

The ladies want it. If you think ladies in their 30s want it less, you're crazy. They don't want it less, they want you to be good at it. You may have to jump through a few hoops to get there, but women in their 30s are aggressive in bed, know what they want and know what they're doing. So, hydrate up John boy and bring your A game.