23 Signs You're Not From LA

You moved here for work, the weather or for love. Whatever the reason, you're not in Kansas anymore Dorothy. Enjoy the ride.

City of Lost Angels? You damn straight these folks are lost.

1. You know how to drive.

Where you're from, green arrow means turn, no one drives 40 in the fast lane and you don't tap your brakes when someone is 8 car lengths behind you just for shits and giggles.

2. You still walk places.

To Ralphs, Starbucks, Sprinkles ... a couple of blocks away from the club at a free meter because you're too cheap to valet .... where-evs. Sometimes you walk. For the joy of it damn it!

And no driving to, parking and hiking up Runyon Canyon does not count.

3. When you meet someone from your hometown, state, region or coast, your 1st thought is THANK GOD!

Other acceptable responses are (1) You're not from LA are you? (2) Where are you from?

4. You refuse to give up your home license plate.

5. Or driver's license ...

Philly pride! Or Harrisburg as the case may be.

6. Or voting rights!

Yeah we all need you to keep Wisconsin on track. Shit gets crazy out there.

7. You're constantly asking your friends and family about the weather back home ...

To gloat.

8. You have no idea which direction Arcadia, Palmdale or West Covina are because they're too far outside of the city.

What's a Palmdale?

9. You have no issue driving from the valley ...

To the beach.

Or vice versa ya snob!

10. You're not too snooty to LIVE in the valley (heaven forbid)

At least for the first few years anyway ... you know, before you know any better.

11. You'd never heard of Dental Chains.

Do NOT go here.

12. You don't get the big deal about In-N-Out Burger

Seriously, it's all right. They JUST started putting salt on their fries. Come on. Tom Colicchio will tell you to season everything.

It's not like they have hand battered onion rings ....

Or chocolate cake ...

Premium steak burgers ...

Oh Steak -N- Shake I love you so.

Hand Dipped Milk Shakes or ....

The Best Lemonade in the Land!!! (Tea ain't half bad either)

No, I don't agree with their ridiculous politics or those of any public entity. #nohatemail

13. You DON'T want to put avocado on EVERYTHING!!!

Though an avocado shake ain't bad ...

14. You realize your Spanish is Puerto Rican ... and no Mexicans know WTF you're talking about.

Donde esta la bodega? Bo-que?

15. You still root for your home baseball team!

Screw the Dodgers #nohatemail

16. You still eat carbs!

Mashed potatoes ... the savory sundae.

And carbs ...

Not your mother's mac-n-cheese.

And Carbs ...

A gourmet waffle bar ... will need coordinates.

With Abandon and NO Apologies.

Though SoCal does LOVE a garlic fry and I have no disagreement with that.

17. And fried food!

Mmmmm chicken!

18. You don't bring your own bags to the grocery store.

19. You have clothes for temperate weather.

That you never wear.

20. You didn't realize where you lived assigned you to a culture group!

Silver Lake (Hipsters)

Downtown (Homeless)

Venice (Hippies)

Hollywood (Hookers, Strippers & Drug Addicts)

The Valley (Screenwriters)

West Hollywood (Ze Gays)

21. The 1st words out of your mouth upon meeting someone isn't "What do you do?"

22. It took you 3 years to stop getting lost on the highways ... because they don't always connect!

Good luck getting on the 170 or 134 or the 5 for that matter from the wrong direction.

23. That accent you can't seem to shake. What is it about a hard 'R' ... or no 'R' at all as the case may be?

Or an extended R if you're from St. Louis ... or Mexico City.

As much as you bitch and moan about LA, you're never going back to wherever the hell it is you're from.

So get over yourself.