Waiting On A Slow Computer: The 9 Stages Of Grief

There's nothing more frustrating than waiting on a slow computer-- admit it, you're more familiar with the spinning color wheel of death than you'd like to admit. Coming to terms with the failure of your trusty machine not only takes time, but it takes 9 steps. Behold: the stages of grief you'll go through while grappling with your slow computer...if your page ever finishes loading.

1. Denial

You've got so much work to do today and this is the worst possible moment for your computer to rear its ugly head. Your thoughts run rampant, beginning to calculate how much time this adds up to over the course of a year.

2. Anger

You've done the math and now you've really lost it. A force of anger you never knew existed erupts from inside you, causing you to physically yell at this useless, useless machine.

3. Defense

You immediately ask yourself "Who does this computer think it is? Is it acting slow on purpose?" You feel like you truly understand RAGE against the machine.

4. Regret

You're sorry for having those thoughts and begin beating yourself up for not taking care of your computer when you had the chance. You start thinking of all those random plug-ins you mindlessly agreed to download.

5. Depression

Alone and disconnected, you begin to wonder if you will ever return to a state of high-speed computer bliss again.

6. Denial

Seriously? Maybe it's just a glitch. I'll reboot. That will make it better. And no!

7. Reflection

The thought of buying a new computer could be exciting, but so expensive. And besides: you and your computer are buddies. You remember when you first brought it home? Are you just going to toss it aside like a piece of scrap metal?

8. Resolution

And with that, it's settled: you vow to research ways to speed up your machine and avoid revisiting this dark period of personal vulnerability and strife forever.

9. Relief

You did it! You fixed your old computer. You wonder if that qualifies you as a hero and immediately consider yourself a technical genius. You knew you could do it the whole time.