9 Craziest Russian Commercials

Japan may be the world leader in insane ads, but Russia ranks right up there.

1. Alcoholism.

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=73cjNp7n75o.

This is an official government-sponsored anti-alcoholism ad, starring “Hell-Squirrel.” In Russian, The delirium of alcoholism is called “small squirrel” or something like that.
Hell-Squirrel has become a bona fide hero in Russia. Hit the “cc” button for English translation.

2. “Crazy” Cola.

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=JpkZlPcOXtM.

Not only is this insane, it’s also abusive.
The tagline is “soak this boredom” which, in Russian, is only one letter off from “soak this bitch”—a slang expression that means “to violently kill a woman or person.” This was done on purpose.

3. Tires (NSFW-ish).

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=suwrguOdQSQ.

It’s the Better Traction Rubber Dancers.

4. Seatbelt Safety.

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=Xj2bpJevmyk.

Here’s the translation, according to YouTube:
WOMAN: “I have been meaning to tell you for a while…I have… decided to leave you. It’s final. There is nothing you can do or say about it. And don’t pretend you don’t know whom I am leaving you for…You have known all along that I have been having an affair with him…You just refused to believe it…Childhood friend! We grew up together. I am taken the child. And as you know, since I will be a divorced mother with a small child in my care, any judge will leave the apartment to me. The beach house as you remember is under my name, so I will keep that as well. All the necessary papers are ready. And well, there is a car… But I hope you’re not about to take your own present back, are you now?
Well?!…Say something!… Don’t you need anything?!”
MAN: “I have got everything I need.”
WOMAN: “Really? And what’s that if you don’t mind my asking?”
MAN: “The seat belt.”
Don’t forget to fasten your seat belt.

5. Skittles.

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=G6pzTFmr6F4.

The Skittles ads are of course crazy everywhere. Russia is no exception. Second, better spot below.

6. Skittles #2.

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=leVxa8l684o.

I love this commercial.

7. Bank.

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=YctCv8Wff0U.

Quite a strange ad for a large bank. You got a rock anthem by a very popular Soviet era underground band, “Kino,” many mannequins (and a few sex dolls), and an exploding Lenin’s tomb. Translation is something like: “They live in a spider web, and we live in internet. So from now on we will act.”

8. Sausage.

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=3bjzLvi87zo.

Sausage Man is wicked creepy. Note that the woman eats his meaty ear. Here’s the translation, which doesn’t lessen the Crazy:
“Once, we will meet for sure. You will fall in love with me at first glance. And of course, we will be together right away. You will touch me with your elegant fingers, and we will merge together into a coherent whole. You - so beautiful and modern, and I…sausage from the Meat Empire.”

9. Ice Cream.

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=vryEyuaCPRA.

OK this commercial isn’t Russian, it’s Ukrainian.
The attack of the woman with the 50-foot tongue.
Yikes.