10 Vintage Phallic Ads

Sometimes, a cigar was just a cigar. And sometimes, it wasn’t.


It’s a Dicknic!

Take a good look at the ad. The foreground woman has one penis-y bottle in her hands while being force-fed a dog. Background woman is showing Chip how much of his dog she can fit in her maw at once. I don’t know about the sexual orientation of the fifth-wheel dude, but he’s making damn sure we notice the bananas. Then, there are the extra dogs, the knives, the shirt stripes — even the pattern on the basket looks like erect penises.


Is that Thrush header muffler a phallic symbol? (Yes.) Is that the Grim Reapress? (I don’t know.) And is the Donny Osmond doppelgänger wearing a flame-retardant drag racing suit or some terrible ’70s outfit? (I don’t know.)


Ah, 70s men’s fashion.
That piece of wood could be thicker.
Read the copy for a good guffaw.


Sometimes, a wine sack is a sack.
Let me squeeze it for you, babe.
Texas International airlines is no longer around.


She’s holding a phallic symbol, two oranges, and a carton of white fluid.
Any questions?


Lipstick by Freud.


You may sniff my pipe, doll.


Where there’s smoke, there’s penis.


Well, just the tip.


To this day, I do not believe that this is a real ad.
But, I also am not 100% sure.

Related: here are 13 modern phallic ads.

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