Robert Pattinson Stinks Up The Screen For Dior

Finally, a love story worse than Twilight.

ID: 1592037

This Dior Homme “Unceonsored” video ad has, as of this posting, 3.5 million views in less than three days.

And the reviews have been glowing:
ABC News — “steamy
USA Today — “sexy
Huffington Post — “well worth the wait
MTV — “hot

Here’s my review words: “staggeringly unoriginal” “stultifyingly boring

It looks and feels exactly like a hundred black & white fashion “film” ads I’ve seen in the last ten years, one recent example: Calvin Klein’s Rooney Mara ad.

The Dior video, which co-stars French model Camille Rowe, is directed by Romain Gavras, the son of a great movie maker.

That’s just the beginning of the cliche parade.

ID: 1592126

1. Yeah baby, Zeppelin’s “Whole Lotta Love.”

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2. On the roof of a cheap hotel, for no reason. He’s just a “rebel.”

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3. In a bathtub with his clothes on. edgy.

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4. Making out in an elevator. He’s dangerous.

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5. Crashing a hoity-toity conservative party, and receiving withering glances of disapproval.

ID: 1592112

6. Running on cheap hotel’s rooftop for no reason = “rebel”

ID: 1592114

7. Driving sports car (vintage BMW) on beach.

ID: 1592115

8. On another roof, this time in the city, again for no reason. INTROSPECTIVE “rebel.”

ID: 1592118

9. Jumping into pool, again with clothes on. ‘My perfectly-fitting designer clothes mean nothing to me because I’m a victim of consumerism.’

ID: 1592119

10. I am, like, so disaffected, disconnected, discombobulated, discontented…

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11. I am R Patzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

ID: 1592098

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