2. Hey, 2 bones is a bargain for a “rocket” sweater.
4. This has something to do with nerds and science fiction and I’m too busy to actually research it. But PENIS SHIP.
5. The ejaculating volcano just adds to the wrongness.
9. Nice logo, Dr. WOOD (L — semi-erect, R — fully erect).
10. Lastly, I had to include this Internet-famous Chiquita poster because I STILL can not believe it was a real ad (which it most definitely was).
BONUS: It’s an 8+ minute video of a man wearing a green bag over his head and purple socks making love to a huge Cheeto made out of hundreds of little Cheetos while chanting/singing “I love you Cheetos” over and over and over to an annoying techno track.
About half of these are via The Blog of Unnecessary Phallic Symbols, who haven’t published an update since May 30th, which perturbs me.
- Mullah Omar, the Taliban's reclusive leader, died more than two years ago, Afghan officials say. The Taliban hasn't commented.
- Officials released new footage proving Sandra Bland was "alive and well" when her mugshot was taken. The release aims to counter social media rumors that she was deceased in the photo.
- Michel Platini, the current UEFA president, will be a candidate in the 2016 FIFA election to replace Sepp Blatter ⚽️