11 Stupid Valentine’s Day Ads

Let’s properly celebrate this wonderful holiday rooted in 2,000 year-old martyrdom — with lots of bad penis jokes.

1. Wurst

Wurst is a Bavarian restaurant and beer hall in Calgary.
There will be many men (and some women) begging their lovers to do anal for the first time on the 14th.

2. Fart By Mail

Video available at: http://vimeo.com/58756931.

This does not appear to be a secret ad for Gas-X.
You can order one here (it costs $8.99).
Your fart is delivered in a pink envelope. You can either warn your lover with a printed message, or send it stealthily. When he/she opens the envelope, he/she is met with a “hilarious fart sound,” and a “heinous odor.”

3. Bud Light

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=wxi7a-OsM6s.

Speaking of farts…

4. Summer’s Eve

Ladies, make sure your Down There is up to snuff for the BIG NIGHT.

5. Tampax (Italy)

It’s not perfectly clear, but sensitive Italian man appears to be praying to Mother Nature that…There Will Not Be Blood.

6. Nakshatra diamond jewelry (India)

If she was having her period, that would be a blood diamond.

7. Dick Smith Electronics

Dick’s often does erudite double dick entendre in its ads.

8. Sexy Avenue Sex Shop

Laziest penis artwork ever.

9. Swatch

Swatch makes the landmark discovery that a heart looks like an ass.

10. Ann Summers Lingerie

Video available at: http://youtube.com/watch?v=V8YI17RvVNU.

If you don’t figure out the heavy-handed knee-slapper of a joke in this commercial within 20 seconds, you’re an idiot.

11. McDonald’s (France)

And the winner is…
Yes, this was a real ad that ran in France.