11 Times It Would Benefit You To Be A Can Of Mixed Vegetables

The possibilities.

1. When you just want a night in with yourself.

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"I'm sorry. I just have to focus on me tonight—I'm a can of mixed vegetables. You understand."

2. When you need an excuse to call out of work.

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"I'm sorry, I can't work today. I'm a can of mixed vegetables."

3. When you're looking for any excuse not to eat healthy.

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"I'm sorry. I don't eat vegetables. I'm a can of them."

4. When your family asks you about your life goals and aspirations.

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"It may look like I'm wasting my potential—but what you have to understand is there's no path laid out for me. No rungs I can climb. Because, Mom, Dad, I'm a can of mixed vegetables. "

5. When you want to get some but you're too lazy to actually find someone.

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"I can felate myself and I do it a lot. I'm a can of mixed vegetables."

6. When you need the basics to understand just how basic they're being.

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"Your hair looks fine in a ponytail. Also, I don't care because I'm a can of mixed vegetables. "

7. When you're trying to catch the train during rush hour.

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"I fit. Because I'm a can of mixed vegetables."

8. When there's a government hitman out to kill you.

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"Thank God that I'm a can of vegetables. Nobody would have protected me if I was human."

9. When you're feeling under-appreciated, and then suddenly there's a threat of nuclear warfare.

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"I can only go to one fallout shelter, guys."

10. When you think about your role in the cosmos and become overwhelmed by your own insignificance.

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"No. I am significant. I am a can of mixed vegetable—and I laugh in the face of expiration."

11. When you just want the recognition you know you deserve.

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"Thank you. Thank you. You can sit down. I just—I want to thank God for making me what I am today: a can of mixed vegetables."