"My fellow Americans. I squat before you today to speak to you about something very important:
"The rich historical tradition of presidential pets, of which I am only the latest representative."
"Though we walk the corridors of power–
"And though our sacrifices are great–
"We are still pets, and want mostly to be loved."
"So please do take this moment to get to know us a little bit better."
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"Now if you'll excuse me, I have some pressing legislative matters to attend to."
