1. “My fellow Americans. I squat before you today to speak to you about something very important:
2. “The rich historical tradition of presidential pets, of which I am only the latest representative.”
3. “Though we walk the corridors of power–
4. “And though our sacrifices are great–
5. “We are still pets, and want mostly to be loved.”
6. “So please do take this moment to get to know us a little bit better.”
Here Are The Top Stories
- The U.S. will release Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard after 30 years. The move isn't tied to the Iran nuclear deal, American officials say.
- Officials released new footage proving Sandra Bland was "alive and well" when her mugshot was taken. The release aims to counter social media rumors that she was deceased in the photo.
- The NFL has upheld Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's four-game suspension for his alleged involvement with the deflation of footballs 🏈