"If you ponytail it and cut it, I'll kill you."
NSFW: Because, ya know, man sausages!
I feel like an I Love Lucy character.
Best voice message ever.
"I feel like I'm dying..."
"Today was a fairy tale." —Doug
"Pinterest is not for people who want to cut corners, it's for people who want to look cute."
"This is a throwback to, like, our junior high years."