1. First of all, your friend equates going to the Apple store with going to Hogwarts. It’s so unbelievably magical, he enters in a full-blown sprint.
2. On the outside, they’re acting cool, keeping their tech-savvy persona in check.
Casually walking into the Apple store. NBD.
3. On the inside, they’re actually like:
4. You hesitate at the door, then proceed inside behind them. On the outside, you’re polite about them wanting to make a “quick stop.”
But fine, a few minutes won’t kill me.
5. On the inside, you’re like:
What’s the point of going to the mall if not for shoes?
6. Your friend knows better, but every time they’re tricked, trapped and coerced into buying something.
7. You don’t even want to look around because you’re too busy avoiding the employees who spout out dumb facts that every under-30-year-old already knows.
8. When your hyper-active friends force you there, they are like:
Because we all don’t have our own Apple products at home.
10. Don’t even think about how many selfies your mom has accidentally taken on an Apple store device.
12. This trip is making you very cynical about the mall.
WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME? ALL I WANTED WAS A PAIR OF SHOES AND JEWELRY FROM FOREVER 21.
13. Then Karma comes along and decides she doesn’t like your attitude and needs to teach you a lesson for the indecent way you’ve been talking about the Apple store. That’s right: your computer is tragically broken.
They’ve got to see this all the time, right?
14. And knowing what the next step is, you feel like this:
15. So you make your appointment and hop in your Delorean because the earliest appointment time available is at least 20 weeks in the future.
*20 weeks is a bit dramatic, but 2 weeks without a functional computer MAY AS WELL BE A LIFETIME*
16. When you finally get to the future, you pray you’ll get this guy and he’ll fix the seemingly simple problem.
Is it really that difficult to fix? I EVEN HAVE APPLE CARE
17. But, of course, making a reservation is fruitless. You still have to wait an hour, and you totally understand this lady because you feel like her in this moment.
18. But instead of screaming your head off, you collect yourself and act like this little angel.
“You are 15th in line. We should get to you by the end of the day.”
“Oh, no problem. Take your time!”
19. The person waiting with you is getting all kinds of impatient which makes you a little bit happier inside knowing that you’re not alone.
20. Approaching the one-hour mark, the “Apple Geniuses” start blurring together. Are you fainting or just driven to madness by the mobs of positive people perusing the store?
22. And when it’s finally your turn, they automatically blame you for spilling spaghetti sauce on the keyboard and not drying it properly.
Pleading the fifth.
23. The “genius” changes his story in the end with some excuse that, basically, your Apple isn’t as sophisticated as the money you spent on it would lead you to believe.
24. You’re left completely defeated (and broke), so you go home and use your Voodoo app to stick it back to the corporation.
Irony be mah only frand.