Dear Bravo TV,
(AKA Andy “Mazel” Cohen)
We are here today to discuss why you MUST renew “Princesses: Long Island.”
You really owe us, Bravo.
Because you didn’t renew “Gallery Girls.”
My fix of young, snotty art people has not been fulfilled since it went off air last year.
There is still no word about a second season of “Newlyweds” and it’s making us nervous.
RIP “NYC Prep.” You also were taken from us far too soon.
I mean, look at this face. Who wouldn’t want to watch a second season starring these cross-eyes?
You’ve even been so irrational as to give Tamra a wedding special.
Really, Bravo? REALLY?
But before we go any further, I’d also like to thank you, Bravo.
You heard me. THANK YOU, BRAVO.
Thank you for renewing “Vanderpump Rules,” the ultimate not-so-guilty pleasure…
…because where the hell would we be if we didn’t have the prospect of more Stassi time???
And THANK YOU BABY JESUS for the return of Reza and the other Shahs for season 3.
They’re fucking crazy, but we love it.
But back to the point.
Here are the reasons why we need these crazy Jewish girls back in our DVR schedule.
1. Erica’s Jew-ish one-liners
2. Honesty by Ashlee
3. Chanel’s pursuit to be loved, betrothed and impregnated
The Almighty Three for all women, even us Catholics.
4. Ashlee’s running black mascara
Water-proof, honey! Water-proof.
5. Amanda’s Drink Hanky
Is anyone buying them? Actually though.
6. Erica “Hottest Girl in Long Island” Gimbel
It’s never really explained why Erica is so well-liked by all the boys on Long Island. From what we see, she’s approaching 30, addicted to a few substances and may be suffering some severe side effects from said substances.
What’s her appeal? We really need a Long Island boy to explain.
She may look off her rocker, but she’s got a rightfully suspicious notion about Jeff.
8. The opening Jewish proverbs
10. Ashlee’s “Help. Me.” moment
Where would we be without it? WE NEED MORE.
11. This. What the hell is this…
12. Dating by Ashlee
13. Close-ups of the Jeff & Amanda’s promise ring
What does the “promise ring” look like????
We have no idea because the camera merely flitted over it each time. HOW DARE YOU BRAVO.
14. Boring Casey and Joey
Maybe they’ll be more interesting the next season.
WHEN THERE IS A NEXT SEASON, BRAVO.
15. Chanel constantly saying she can’t deal with everyone, but then simultaneously getting in everyone’s business
16. Ashlee’s dad
Because we wish we had him as our father.