• Abandon all hope, ye who enter here

    This is a dangerous book. I’m not kidding. If you’re not some kind of professional or married, you’ll burst into flames if you read this. Don’t even think about filling in “self-employed” because it won’t work. You know who you are. Now begone, and go someplace safe instead.

  • On frigidity

    Welcome, married persons, professionals, and those of you who didn’t buy that bit about bursting into flames! It’s time to learn about frigidity. My deepest apologies to those of you who read this far hoping to burst into flames, but spontaneous human combustion isn’t all it’s cracked up to be.

  • Just in case you didn’t catch that, we’re talking about women who don’t want to have sex.

  • European women kick ass at sex.

  • American women? Not so much.

  • I’m not really getting point 1. If there’s no sex, how are there children? Did I miss the chapter on immaculate conception? Also, what’s the birthright we’re talking about here?

  • Those damned suffragists. Why do they have to be all masculine? You can’t be masculine and also want sex. And if you’re a woman and you don’t get sex, you’ll want to spend a LOT of money.

  • What causes frigidity?

    I hate masturbation catch 22s. They should do something about that before too many people commit suicide.

  • A breakdown by religion and geography.

  • Bonus: an interesting use of cocaine

    Not to worry, ladies. Sometimes frigidity can be cured with a bit of coke.