5 Pokemon You Would Want To Eat If They Were Real

Presuming you didn't get quick attacked first.

1. Dugtrio

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Even though they travel in excess of 60mph at a maximum depth of 60 miles (in the real world that'd put them in the earth's mantle where they'd NEVER survive) Dugtrio is not the most intelligent pokemon, making it easy to capture even without a pokeball. They are effectively akin to potatoes, except with more protein because they're animals. Suggestions: prepare as you would a potato gratin, Dugratin, or as a roasted potato medley. Mashedugtrio is exceptionally delicious as well, especially with the proper spices, but is also a bit taxing on the soul.

2. Cloyster

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If you can get through it's reputedly harder-than-diamond shell, eating Cloyster makes for the perfect mid-afternoon summer delight! While some purists will swear by New England Cloyster Chowder, it's still delicious steamed, baked, fried and raw. Oh, and for all the fellas out there, it's packed with zinc. Is that a Cloyster shell in your pocket?

3. Kingler

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Kingler's high ticket-price has nothing to do with sailors out at sea. Nay, this king of crabs is priced at $30 a pound because it's actually the 'deadliest catch'. If you can stomach the cost, your stomach will thank you. A great, albeit complicated, way to prepare a Kingler is baked with a breaded Cloyster stuffing (see epicurious). For a quicker, more refreshing meal, a simple steaming with lemon and olive oil hits all the right notes. Sometimes, simplicity is king.lier.

4. Gastly

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If you're willing to endure a few nightmares here and there, Gastly is the perfect dietary supplement (paired with proper exercise), to give you that slim, toned beach bod. You can use it not just as a sugar-substitute, but for a caffeine one as well. You won't be wanting to fall asleep with a Gastly haunting your dreams.

5. Vileplume

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So you decided to go to burning man. Well, may as well take the plunge and ingest (no more than) 1/8th of Vileplume. 'Bro, is that a unicorn growing out of your forehead?', no bro, that's you having your ego stripped from you and tripping spherical objects due to mild food-poisoning. Suggestions: take with a glass of O.J, do not operate heavy machinery, and do not try to fly.

6. Mewtwo

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You'd have to be crazy, or tripping Vileplume, to try to catch a Mewtwo, let alone eat one. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, try to eat a Mewtwo. Ever.