As a child of the '90s, I had an inherent investment in pop music. Its pervasiveness was unavoidable, and I really liked it because it was like candy. But yes, I was fully aware that pop music was downright absurd.
Why pop is redonk
Remember the songs that started with voicemail recordings? How about the full-blown conversations in lieu of a bridge? Or sound effects! Remember all those sound effects? (e.g. footsteps, doors slamming, city noises, overall hooliganism, and a laugh at the end of a track that left you feeling a bit unnerved) But despite its ridiculousness, pop also had an agenda.
As a girl of the '90s, I saw how pop tried to teach me how to be a girl. So I learned through example. And then, I did the opposite because what pop taught me was stupid.
Some lessons I took umbrage at were small, like the perils of denim tuxedos.
B*Witched "C'est La Vie"
Others were more problematic, like how your name didn’t really matter.
Atomic Kitten's "Eternal Flame"
Bands could be like the Topangas of Boy Meets World. If the artist was hot enough, then no matter how dumb the artist's name was (like Atomic Kitten or Eden’s Crush) the artist still got attention!
Eden's Crush's "Get Over Yourself"
Eden's Crush was created by WB's TV show called Popstars where hundreds of girls competed to join an all girl band. A.K.A. Nicole Scherzinger's debut before The Pussycat Dolls.
I was told that all a pop princess needed was an infantile voice and really great motor function. (See: Britney Spears’ discography.)
Taylor Swift's "22"
Buying Red was one of the worst decisions I’ve made this month, ranking next to falling up an escalator and uttering the word “doh."
Pop’s preexisting stereotypes don’t need any more flag bearers. For one, stereotypes are boring. And two? Girls have more stories to tell than the ones about their male retention rate.
After listening to a snippet of “22” on Youtube, I hastily bought Taylor Swift’s entire Red album on iTunes. Blindly. No sampling occurred. I know: rookie mistake!
I’ll admit it. I liked Taylor Swift’s good girl charm and earlier albums because I was waiting for her to say something else. But no. I'm still waiting.
After producing four albums around the concept of “We Broke Up So I Strum My Guitar”, she’s made herself trite, quickly becoming a stereotype of herself.
Swift sings her self into a locked tower, only writing songs if there’s a prince involved. But this isn’t surprising, what with her Mad Lib-ing “love songs” and her view on feminism.
The Daily Beast reported Taylor Swift saying, “If you [as in, women] work as hard as guys, you can go far in life.” Her stories don't exist if another guy isn't involved.
There’s more to blame than the redundant similes on color or how horrendous the songs are independently.
(Let’s pretend that Swift’s dub-step attempt in “I Knew You Were Trouble” never happened. Also, let’s also forget about “Stay Stay Stay” with its ukulele and goblin like laugh at the end.)
Singing about heartbreak (that you too can relate to!), or the trials and tribulations of being famous (yet adorably awkward!) won’t cut it anymore.
There’s a small glitter-coated window of opportunity for pop princesses to bashfully insist that they aren’t cool. (Listen to “22”, e.g. “Like who is Taylor Swift anyway? Ew.”)
Once you’ve raked in Grammys, bazillion dollars, and buy a mansion next to your former Kennedy boyfriend, you lose all sympathy for not being cool.
I hate to say it, but our girl Tay is completely out of touch with listeners of her own age.
The single “22” says it all: a perfect night is “dressing up like hipsters and talking about our exes.” Because that’s what all twenty-two-year-olds do, right?
In “Red” she sings about twenty-something love that's like, “driving a Maserati down a dead end street.”
Hm. I've never seen a Maserati in my life. Most twenty-two-year-olds would say, “love is like driving your used Honda accord down to your parents house.”
But that doesn't have a ring to it.
Pop Feminism
I’m not saying other pop stars are a band of Gloria Steinems; however, relative to Swift, others veered off track. They sang story lines that were shameless. And shameless isn’t a song often sung by women.
Katy Perry, a former Christian rock singer, stuck her neck out with a debut song “I Kissed A Girl”.
Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl"
Carly Rae Jepsen’s hit wonder “Call Me Maybe” unabashedly explored a girl’s desperate side.
Carly Rae Jepsen's "Call Me Maybe"
And look at Ke$ha! She didn’t apologize for making “hot mess” mainstream.
Ke$ha's "Tik Tok"
Neither did Lady Gaga who set beds on fire for her Little Monsters.
Lady Gaga's "Bad Romance"
Go back even further to some other 90’s pop predecessors. Remember t.A.T.u? The girl-on-girl singing duo usurped one of pop’s secret weapons, the subliminal schoolgirl fantasy. They subverted that fantasy in “All The Things She Said” so it lost all its power.
Compared to Swift’s formula, artists, like Gaga and t.A.T.u, sang groundbreaking songs. Swift’s formula begs something more dramatic than a Tuesday Night at 2 a.m. (Listen: “Breathe”, “The Way I Loved You”, “Mine”, “Mary’s Song”, “Last Chance”, “Enchanted”)
The best pop anthems are suppose to leave a mark, no?
Maybe I just like my pop to be a bit more challenging. Then again, I’m a twenty-three-year-old who wears Katy Perry’s pink and glittery nail polish named “Teenage Dream”. No matter the amount of remover I use—it’s still a beez to get off.
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