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Many of my favorite celebrities have endorsed teatox programs on their Instagrams.
So, obviously I ordered the cheapest teatox program I could find.
The teatox program came with two different teas, one for the A.M and one for the P.M.
I was impressed. The morning tea really curbed my appetite.
The night tea promised to provide a gentle cleanse, detoxifying major organs and eliminating water weight and possibly evil spirits.
The directions said to steep the cleansing night tea for no more than two minutes, but I got a little distracted ...
Okay, very distracted. I steeped the tea for over five minutes.
The cleansing effect kicked in faster than I expected.
What started as partly cloudy quickly escalated to a flash flood. We're talking mud slides, people. The worst part was that I had a bunch of things I absolutely needed to do that day.
For instance, I had a long-standing dentist appointment ...
... And a $50 Groupon for yoga classes that was about to expire.
My stomach settled down a bit, so I went to the grocery store ...
... And sent my grandma a birthday card.
I'm just thankful I didn't have anything super important to do, like a job interview ...
... Or an opportunity to finally wear a romper out and about.
Listen, I've had a lot of time to reflect on this teatox debacle ...
And I wish the moral of the story is that you are beautiful and you should never drink diarrhetic beverages in order to look Instagram-famous.
But the real moral of this story is READ THE DIRECTIONS.
There is a silver lining: now, when I see photos of celebrities posing with their teatox, I don't wonder how they got so skinny. I wonder about the state of their bowels.
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