"Keeping Up With The Kardashians" Explained By Someone Who Has Never Seen It

There's Kim, and Khloe, and ... a short one?

Keeping Up With the Kardashians has been on television since 2007, but I haven't seen a single episode. I'll try to break it down for you anyway ...

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A reality TV show that follows this lady's booty ... and anyone related to it ... ?

So, obviously, this is Kim Kardashian. She is famous, but I don't know why.

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She doesn't seem to know either. Did she win X Factor or something?

She has two sisters. They share DNA and a very talented hair-stylist.

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They have matching eyebrows and cleavage. #family

This is Khloe. She must be the oldest because she's the tallest.

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She doesn't seem to know what she's doing here either, but her contouring is perfection.

And this is the youngest, Kourtney (?) She is tiny and often pregnant.

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Apparently she married into royalty.

This is her baby daddy. He's a lord or a duke or something.

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Which is how they have so much money.

There's a possibility that Kourtney is having all those babies so that the family has unlimited access to organs...

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At least she's being glamorous about it.

In case one of them needs a liver transplant.

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But I'm no doctor. Let's move on to the rest of the cast, I mean family.

Anyway, the three Kardashian gals were raised by this fun-loving lesbian couple ...

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I think one of them used to be a high-powered lawyer.

Who truly care about their daughters' well-being...

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#momoftheyear

And aren't afraid to show it.

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In their own special way, clearly.

Oh, and there are these two!

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Kylie and Kylie Jenner?

I can't figure out if they are A.) Kim’s daughters from a high school pregnancy or B.) the Kardashians’ charity project, like a Big Brothers/Big Sisters Foundation thing.

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Kim is their role model.

Either way, they seem ... nice.

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We see the twins get into all sorts of age-appropriate shenanigans, like auditioning for the school play and choosing a prom dress.

So, yeah. That's everyone on the show.

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Give or take a few kids and Kanye, who refuses to be appear on the series. [I have no proof of this.]

Some people think the Kardashians got famous for "doing nothing."

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B'scuse me?

But this family let cameras follow them around ...

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Cameras that zoom in way too close sometimes.

And it seems like their normalcy is quite enchanting.

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This GIF actually makes me want to start watching.

It is a reality show, afterall, full of realness.

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Judgement so real, it's like getting judged by your own mom!

Plus, let's face it, the Kardashians rule cable TV because they ask the tough questions ...

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I have so many thoughts, Kim. Thank you for asking.

Like when is it appropriate to take a selfie?

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#momoftheyear #bonding #kitchenselfie

And has our obsession with the Internet gone too far?

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Woah, talk about a cliffhanger! #jailselfie

The Kardashians explore what it means to be a person ...

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A person holding a freaking adorable kitten.

And what it means to be a family.

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With boundary issues.

Along the way, they teach audiences a life lesson or two ...

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Like that beauty is in the eye of the beholder and/or plastic surgeon.

Giving viewers a glimpse into the complexities of the human condition.

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Nine seasons, infinite #wordstoliveby.

And us? Well, we just have to keep up.

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