First off, being utterly fabulous isn’t a choice. You think people choose to be this cursed by being so blessed?!
You have to be BORN fabulous.
1. Waking up everyday is overwhelming. Like, you have such a fabulous standard you set for yourself yesterday that you have to live up to.
Even on Mondays.
2. Choosing which top out of your MANY fab tops to wear is a daily chore.
3. Blessing the world with your daily presence is draining because everyone is always just so jealous of you.
4. And for some reason, they don’t seem to learn that it costs money for them to stare at you.
5. The common folk that you’re forced to interact with never understand the high aspirations you have for yourself.
6. Like, you were born to shop but society is FORCING you to work.
It’s such a travesty.
7. To you, everything in life is either a competition that you HAVE to win….
8. Or everything is something that you HAVE to buy.
9. Making friends is hard because no one has the same high-caliber taste as you.
10. And when you finally do make a friend, they always seem to blow it by doing something totally ratchet like wearing open toed shoes without a pedicure.
11. You’ve been impatiently waiting your whole life for the day a knight in shining Armani will sweep you off your feet…
12. But someone who speaks fluent French AND loves you as much as you love yourself is like, really hard to find.
But whatever, you don’t need a man to validate you. Validation is for parking.
13. A fabulous life requires a lot of dedication. Like keeping your chin always parallel to floor takes a lot of patience and practice.
14. And not knowing where your next bottle of champagne will come from is a lot of stress for one to handle.
15. Half of the time you don’t eat dinner because you have a legitimate fear of burning down your house…
16. And the other half of the time you pass on dinner because you don’t want to smudge your perfectly applied lipstick.
17. On top of all your problems that you have to deal with, you’re constantly reminded how many people there are in the world that lack taste and class every time you leave your house.
18. And when people confuse “Louboutin” with “Louis Vuitton,” you lose complete faith in humanity.
Until your masseuse restores it for you.