These empowering first eight steps will help you realize your unrequited, sick obsession with Ryan Godsling and give you the courage to overcome the thoughts of him shirtless dancing in your head.
1. Write down a list of everything you love about him.
1. His blue eyes
2. His poignant chin
3. His half smile
4. His beard-making abilities
100. His T.T.T. body (Tanned, Tight, Toned)
2. Pick your absolute favorite thing about Ryan from the list you wrote above.
e.g., his T.T.T. body
3. It’s time to confess your love. Tweet your favorite thing about Ryan Gosling to Ryan Gosling as illustrated below.
4. Wait for him not to respond…feel rejected.
Why is he just not that into me?
5. Get angry thinking about how he’s probably making love to Eva this very second instead of tweeting you back.
IT’S LIKE HE DOESN’T EVEN CARE.
6. Use your anger to crumble up the list you wrote in step one. YOU’RE SO ANGRY NOW.
(Also light it on fire if your setting permits.)
7. Find a mirror and play this break-up anthem:
Because you’re stronger than yesterday when you were obsessed with Ryan Gosling.
8. As Britney empowers you, make eye contact with your reflection in the mirror as you say the words, “Ryan Gosling isn’t the perfectly sculptured, angelic human being I thought he once was.”
Seeing is believing. Now that you’re empowered, move on to the next set of steps.
Now that you’re strong enough to end your obsession, you must brainwash yourself into thinking Gosling isn’t absolutely perfect in every way. For steps 9-15, you must yell the sentence in italics at the carefully chosen gif to help you get over Gosling.
WARNING: This may push you to your limits.
9. Yell at this gif, “Justin Timberlake was the cutest Mouseketeer in the Mickey Mouse Club!”
You will soon start to believe lies.
10. Yell at this gif, “We’d have ugly children!”
THEY WOULD HAVE UNEVEN EYES AND 90’S HAIRCUTS.
11. Yell at this gif, “You’re not cute enough for Eva Mendes!”
SPIT IT OUT.
12. Yell at this gif, “You have such a beer belly and salami nipples!”
THINK ABOUT HOW YOUR OBSESSION IS RUINING YOUR INTERNET PRODUCTIVITY. FOR EXAMPLE, RIGHT NOW.
13. Yell at this gif, “Beards aren’t really my thing!”
FEEL THE BEARD BURN POSSIBILITIES.
14. Yell at this gif, “Kissing you would be like kissing two thin and moist slices of bologna stacked on top of each other!”
YOU DID THIS TO YOURSELF.
15. And yell at this gif, “I’d never be a bird with you!”
THINK ABOUT HOW HE’D LEAVE THE NEST FOR EVA.
16. NOW LET IT OUT BECAUSE YOU DID IT. The torturous gif yelling is over.
Now snap out of it Anne! He doesn’t care how unfair this is! Wipe up those tears and proceed to the next set of steps.
Steps 18 & 19:
Now that you no longer find anything attractive about Ryan Gosling that you did once before, it’s time to exorcise him completely out of your life. These last two steps are the most intense, but will rid you of any Gosling attachment if done correctly.
CAUTION: THIS IS AN INTENSE PROCEDURE. BuzzFeed is NOT responsible for the events that occur any further.
17. Play the song below:
Stay strong, don’t let your feelings control you.
18. Look at the GIF below for the remainder of the song without falling back in obsession as Michelle Branch tears your heart apart and Ryan simultaneously looks deep into your soul.
GOODLUCK TO YOU
19. If you didn’t regret the things you yelled above, Michelle Branch didn’t affect you because you have a heart made of stone, and the gif below doesn’t leave you soaked, the exorcissling worked!
If this is the case, scroll down to proceed. If not, clean up the puddle at your feet and repeat steps 9-18.
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