The 11 Most Annoying Things To Do At The Swimming Pool

If you do any of these things, rest assured there is a place in a watery hell reserved just for you.

11. NO HEAVY PETTING

“NO HEAVY PETTING.”

10. Floating at the end of the pool talking

Riddle me this, conversationalists: how am I meant to touch the end and push off if you’re blocking the end of the pool? It’s a swimming pool. Take your talk to the jacuzzi.

9. Swimming two abreast while talking

This is little better than sitting at the end of the pool and talking. How am I meant to pass you if you’re taking up twice the width of a normal person swimming at me, while going at half the speed?

8. Invading lanes

There is an unwritten rule: give way to those who are already in the pool. That means that if you have just joined, you swim around (or best, avoid entirely) people already in the pool. You don’t just swim in a straight line, ignoring people who have already carved out an informal lane for themselves.

7. Cannonballs

I secretly wish those who refuse to use the stairs suddenly find the pool frozen over. It never happens, but I can dream.

6. Doing breadths while others do widths

No. Just no.

5. Peeing

Not even Jennifer Lawrence can get away with it with impunity. You certainly can’t.

4. Wearing any kind of plaster/elastoplast


to whoever loses a band-aid in the shower at the gym and leaves it there: you will die alone, unloved

— Raymond Sultan (@RaymondSultan) August 15, 2013

If you have any kind of wound, you shouldn’t be near a shared pool. Your plaster will only fall off. It will float around. It’s disgusting.

3. Bringing large amounts of paraphernalia to the pool

It is a pool. It is for swimming in. Rubber rings are for beach holidays and all-inclusive hotel pools.

2. Refusing to let people pass at the end of a length

You are slow. You ought to stop when you finish your length, and let the faster person behind you past. If you don’t, you’re the worst.

1. Butterfly. You are officially the worst. EVERYONE hates you. (And no, you don’t look like Michael Phelps.)

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