1. "Y'alreet?" – Hi there, how are you doing?
2. "Alreet, son?" – Hello, man I know.
3. "Alreet, hinny?" – Hello, woman I know.
4. "Alreet, petal?" – Hello, person I've just met while shopping.
5. "Alreet, mate." – Hello, stranger who is definitely not a mate.
6. "I swear!" – OK, so you've caught me, but society dictates I have to pretend I'm not lying.
7. "Pint?" – 4pm start, 6am finish?
8. "Tonight's going to be belta!" – I'm particularly excited about tonight. I think it's going to be excellent.
9. "I'll be there in 10 minutes, I'm just getting the Metro now." – If you are lucky, you will see me in a week, and even then I'll have had to walk half the way.
10. "Can I borrow 32p for the Metro?" – Can I borrow 32p for a cigarette?
11. "Sorry mate, I've got no change." – I have change, but you're not having it. And you're not a mate.
13. "Do you want some tea?" – Would you like a cup of tea?
14. "Do you want some tea?" – Would you like something to eat?
15. "I'm doing dry January." – We'll only do a couple of rounds of shots tonight.
16. "I'm going to get mortal." – We'll drink the club dry of shots tonight.
17. "Where's the netty?" – Where's the bathroom?
18. "Did you see that fit lass on the Diamond Strip?" – She was wearing eight-inch heels and half a child's bedsheet.
19. "That lad on the Diamond Strip was hench." – He accidentally bought a child's small T-shirt when he meant to get a large muscle tee. Weird tattoos, too.
20. "Did you see that lass on the Bigg Market?" – We should call an ambulance.
21. "Did you see that lad on the Bigg Market?" – I promise to maintain my gym membership until I retire.
22. "Did you see that radgy gadgy on the Bigg Market?" – Let's give him a wide berth.
23. "Did you see that lass on Osborne Road?" – I wonder how many ponies she has on her 500-acre family estate.
24. "Did you see that lad on Osborne Road?" – I bet his name's Quentin. Also why do people wear red cords in 2016?
25. "I'm freezing, like." – It's -10°C, though I'm still wearing practically no clothes.
26. "Champion." – That's good.
27. "That's mint!" – That's really good.
28. "That's pure mint!" – That's really, really good.
29. "That's shan!" – That's really not good.
30. "Like." – I've forgotten that it's possible to breathe when I speak.
31. "Shall we have a neb in here?" – Shall we see what it's like in here?
32. "I'm pure clamming, do you want something to eat?" – I'm starving, do you want something to eat?
33. "Where shall we get some scran?" – Shall we go to Greggs to get some food?
34. "She's canny!" – She's great!
35. "Aye... she's canny." – She's really not great.
36. "Shut your gob." – Shut up, I'm angry at you.
37. "Shut your gob!" – Shut up and kiss me!
38. "I've got to go up north." – I'm visiting Edinburgh. There are no other places further north from Newcastle than Edinburgh.
39. "I've got to go down south." – I'm visiting Manchester or Leeds.
40. "I'm going abroad." – I'm going to London. It's a weird place with lots of odd customs, where things are more expensive, and people don't speak.
41. "I'm sick of Newcastle." – I really like Newcastle but I'm just going through a phase.