1.Think about this for a moment: When's the last time you saw someone buy a box of Savoury Shapes?
2.Ever seen someone buying one of these Vegemite clones?
3.Or any kind of Aerogard that isn't "Tropical Strength"?
4.How about one of these health bars? All these things are sold everywhere, yet ~nobody~ ~ever~ ~seems~ ~to~ ~buy~ ~them~.
5.Crunchy muesli bars? They sit on the shelf gathering dust.
6.Allen's Pineapples? In a mixed lolly situation, sure, I guess. But literally ~nobody~ is buying a whole bag of this shit.
7.Candy teeth? Gtfo.
8.Don't get us started on Crispy M&M's.
9.OK, so some terrible products do have a small but fiercely loyal fan base. Like Dark Chocolate Tim Tams, for example.
10.Just kidding, nobody buys them either. And who's eating goddamn sandwich-sized Vita-Weats? Nobody, that's who, because they're both impractical and unnecessary.
11.The only legitimate reason to eat Light & Tangy Thins is that you've polished off everything else in your multipack.
12.Nobody buys Nougat Honey Logs because they're just a crap version of a Summer Roll.
13.No Australian has ever bought any of these bullshit cereals because we're not complete dickheads.
14.Nobody has bought a Chiko Roll since 1979.
15.No one has bought Goanna Oil since 1942.
16.Yeah, nah.
17.Not a single living soul has ever walked into Bunnings and said "Show me to your electric lawnmowers."
18.Nor has anybody walked into their local bakery and asked for a huge-ass, dry, stale scone.
19.Fun fact: None of the millions of CDs on sale at JB Hi-Fi are ever purchased by anybody.
20.Admittedly, some people occasionally buy diet Cottee's Cordial, but only by accident when they meant to buy the real thing.
21.Literally not a single member of Homo sapiens has ever bought mid-strength beer.*
22.No kid in the history of the universe has ever said: "Hey Mum and Dad, can you pick us up a 10-pack of Paddle Pops solely consisting of the shittest flavour?"
23.And finally, behold the greatest mystery of our time: the continued existence of Chicken Twisties in a land where they are universally loathed.
