1. Your friends shake their heads in wonder at the fact that you have been sober for nine months or more.
And once you give birth, it is a matter of great importance to them that you get drunk, as soon as possible.
2. You’re always pregnant for weddings and hen dos.
3. When you get to the third trimester, friends become legitimately concerned that you might give birth RIGHT there and then.
4. Everyone says, “I can’t believe you are a mum now!”
5. You instantly move up to first place on the “responsible friends” scale.
6. You have your pick of baby names without having to worry that you’re copying someone else’s choice.
7. You have a queue of eager babysitters.
Not having their own small humans mean they actually WANT to hang out with yours.
8. And they all make the same joke about not even drinking when they look after your child.
10. But they have no idea what is practical.
Tiny shoes for newborn babies – completely unnecessary, but ridiculously cute.
11. The competition to be a godparent is serious business.
12. Child-free weddings are a godsend.
But at the same time, they are a logistical disaster. (Do I have a babysitter? Will he take a bottle? Will I have a good time without him?)
13. No one gives you unwanted parenting advice.
14. But you also have no trusted confidant to ask all the silly little parenting questions you think of.
15. You have to reassure friends that you aren’t ignoring them.
“I’m barely surviving sleep deprivation and struggling to remember emails I’ve read!”