Years ago I was engaged in a conversation with a young lady who had an issue. Her issue was that she was in love and having an affair with a married man. As I sat at her kitchen table, I listened intensely as she filled me in on every detail of her situation.
She stated that when they first met he had not revealed his true marital status to her. They dated for months and it wasn't until someone else told her that she found out he had a wife. When she confronted him with this information he did not deny being married, but informed her that he was not happy at home. She admitted at how she struggled with the news in the beginning, but that the promises he made to her made it hard for her to let him go.
Prior to this conversation I was concrete on having no sympathy for an adulterer. In my book, it was a no brainer; you just didn't do it because it was WRONG! That was, until I had been put in a situation myself where what was being offered before me seemed so much better than what was waiting for me at home.
I never imagined that I would be even considering adultery as an option in my life. When I said "I do" I meant it and I believed that as long as I did my very best to be a good wife, that my husband would love me like I needed him to. But then a year passed by. Then another…and another… and what was so easy to do in the beginning became very hard for me without getting what I needed. I had lost my strength and was now, what they called, "vulnerable".
There I was, working like a Hebrew slave thinking he'd see that I am a good woman and appreciate me and give me his time and affection the way I needed him to, but….nothing! I was trying everything, even making sure I did my best to stay fit and sexy for him. And although he barely noticed, other men did.
I remember one time I was doing my workouts at the gym and this guy ran pass me on the track. When he made his way back around he made it obvious that he was interested. It wasn't inappropriate at all, but it was noticeable. As time went on I'd see him more and more and every time I saw him his milk chocolate smile would brighten up my day. I began to look forward to his smile because it was innocent enough and it gave me a small attention fix. Somebody say… "But then"!
Then one day Mr. Muscles decides to slow down and run alongside of me. Instantly I had to fight to gain control of my breathing because my lungs felt like they were malfunctioning. I wasn't prepared to handle an up-close encounter with him because I had established this routine of getting my fix from a distance.
Once I gained my composure and sound returned fully to my ears, I realized that he was trying to offer me some pointers on how to run. I took the advice and thought that was all he wanted, until he kept running with me. After that every time I'd come to the gym to run and he was there he would slow down his pace to match mines. As time went on I began to love his presence…so much that it felt like I was cheating on my husband. Eventually I just stopped going to the gym all together and started doing my workouts at home via video tapes.
That was a hard thing to do; to stop something that seemed to be helping to sustain me. And although it didn't seem wrong to an outsider, I knew what was going on inside of me. I had become hooked on that fine, chocolate, muscled gentlemen with the white bright smile and had decided that I was not about to lie myself right into what I knew could possibly happen. I knew I was too thirsty to start drinking from that fountain and was sure that if I didn't act fast I would have gotten myself caught up pretty bad!
There are many people, both married and single, at the point of what they call "Extreme Thirst". They do their best to follow the rules, crossing their T's and dotting their I's, just to find themselves at the end of the day left holding nothing or if they do get anything it adds up to be a few drip-drops. So to have someone come out of nowhere batting a thousand; saying and doing the right things, drowning them with the attention they've been craving without a struggle, is quite a spirit lifter. It can suck you in way before you remember that either you are married or they are. And to walk away from a fresh flow of water after being in the wilderness with dry mouth for a long time is not so easy to do. It's like stopping your pee mid-stream; it hurts, it's uncomfortable and it just feels better to keep going with the flow!
If I had heard that young ladies story a few years prior I would have jumped up out of my seat, gave her the hand and keep it moving not wanting to hear anything she had to say. But at that very moment in time I just listened.
I've learned in my years on this earth that although the right thing to do can be spelled out across the sky in bold lettering, it's not always easy or desirable for us to follow. I also understand now why God is not so quick to kill us in our sins; it's because He, through Jesus, The Christ, had the opportunity to live in the human body and too had some battles with the extreme. Remember HIS wilderness experience? His flesh was weak, but it was his willing spirit that gave him victory.
Imagine going without food for forty days and nights and them someone comes along and tempts you with what you have the power to do? FORTY! Satan knew what Jesus was working with. He knew Jesus could use his power to turn stone to bread; to manipulate his situation to end his immediate suffering. I can imagine the devil saying "It's just a little bread; it won't hurt you. And you need it! Look at you!"
Jesus had to be careful. He had to think before he made a decision. He was aware of his condition, but he couldn't go on how he felt because it could have killed him. Most likely he entertained the idea and could probably even taste the softness of a warm piece of bread with a slice of butter in between, but then when it hit him I'm sure he thought "Wait a minute…this is a rock! It ain't meant to be eaten! Let me stay focused on what my Father told me to do before I mess myself up!"
Jesus had to resist the devil then just like we have to do now! He had a purpose to fulfill and while he was doing his best, at his weakest moment the devil slid along side of him and began to play with his mind. That's all he tries to do with us…play with our minds!
The mind…this is the place where we keep our information to navigate through life. You can say it's our mobile library. If we are to make it in this world and live abundant lives as God would desire us to, with peace, love, happiness, riches, etc…we have to make sure we have His word downloaded in us so that we know what to do.
So many people deceive themselves by thinking that happiness and prosperity is supposed to just fall into their laps. Now, some have had prosperity fall in their laps, but it didn't give them the happiness they thought they'd have. There have been prosperous individuals that have jumped clear off a bridge because they weren't happy. That lets me know that one must possess true happiness in order to enjoy their riches. So, although prosperity can be inherited, happiness can't. It must be pursued! When something is pursued, that means that it's being attacked to be captured and to capture a good thing takes a good fight. But we have to be trained for the battle with the right weapons. We have to be strong in our minds and God has left this training material in His book of laws.
We need His bible to be our Ready Reference resource. Before we make our decisions, we need to ask God "What would Jesus do in this situation" and filter the decision through His written laws. When we do it this way, use what's in our library from His law book instead of reacting on how we feel, we turn this knowledge into wisdom and the practice builds our spiritual muscles to resist temptation. This practice is necessary for abundant living as some of the worse mistakes are made when one acts solely on how they feel. Feel-reacting can turn bad situations into nightmares.
I'm not saying that this way is a walk in the park; it IS a struggle but struggle is needed for strength training! It surely is not easy when you've searched and struggled for years and years and then someone comes along that looks at you the way you want and talks to you the way you need and appears so sincere with their hearts to just walk away from, but it's necessary if it's not legal.
I was blessed to not have fallen into the traps of adultery, but the lesson God taught me was not to be so judgmental and merciless on those who had. He put me in a situation in which I was challenged with choosing the right thing to do and it truly wasn't that easy. And I was just fighting with the thoughts; I could only image how hard it would have been for me to stop if I had actually started. But as much as I can sympathize, in the end it's still wrong and we will have to pay for wrong.
The very nature of adultery is a set up! It's a trap that if we get tangled up in is hard to get out. And Satan helps to push us in by flooding our minds with as much misery as he can throw at us so that we can attach our emotions and feelings to our problems. He'll even bring up our past hurts that don't have nothing to do with what's going on now to beat us up more and make it seem as though this situation of adultery is the only good thing we may ever get in life. Once he can make us feel like nothing in or around this world cares about us, he can then convince us that we have the right to be with this person because of all that we've been through.
He plays us like a violin in our vulnerability, but when we participate in adulterous acts it's a rub in God's face and Satan knows it. He knows how much God detests adultery and that anyone who lives and dies in it will not inherit the Kingdom of God.
Remember, the devil's job is to steal, kill and destroy and we have to understand Satan is not playing with us! He's pursuing his career!
In adultery we can never attain true prosperity because we are breaking the law. Surely, you wouldn't reward a law breaker, would you? Of course not! When someone breaks the law, they don't receive a reward, they get fined and the more instances they have the higher the fines are…the longer you stay in it, the more it will cost you. In the end adultery will just leave us broke!
What can adultery cost you, you ask? A lot! It can cost you your time and youth, your health, your finances, your peace, you ever having a healthy marriage of your own, and even your physical life! We don't usually consider these factors while we are engaged in it because we are getting what we think we need now. But the truth of the matter is what we pay for in adultery is not worth it. I will liken it to a drug dealer making $200,000 a year for five good years, but spending thirty-five years in prison. In the end he only profited an average of $5,000 a year. That's like $96.15 a week!
No matter why you accept adultery, it's never good. Whether it's because you feel lonely, or because you think you can do a better job than their current spouse, stay away from it. If you resist the devil he will flee and God will bless you with what you desire if you are careful to follow His laws. I'm not saying that you will always want to; but by suffering you are saying you want what you need the right way; from the Maker. This gives God glory and if you earn glory points in Him, He will supply your every need according to how rich you make Him in glory; that is, if Christ has already been made your savior.
He will give you the real deal. You do not have anything when it's not yours; it's just borrowed. I don't care if their spouse hasn't taken care of them right; either you give them good advice if you can, or pray for them and leave it and them alone altogether. Don't touch it because it will curse YOUR life! Take your feelings out of it! It has nothing to do with feelings, but it has all to do with following His laws. Even the law of the land won't have much mercy on how you feel if you break the laws. Drunk drivers go to jail, get points taken away from their license and get fined no matter what their reason was for getting drunk and driving.
Like I said, I do understand why people end up in adulterous relationships, but in the end it's all a trap. It really doesn't satisfy you; it just pacifies you long enough for you to miss out on what God has for you. Image you with someone else's spouse and God sends the one He has for you in your circle but you are so entangled with the married man or woman that you don't even see the one that is supposed to be for you? Or, if your spouse decided that they were going to change their ways, but then ran into you and your "side-thing" at the store right after they decided? These things can really happen, so live a clean life. Don't be scared to suffer to live the way God intends. It's to protect us from things we can't see.
If you find yourself in a situation like this today, you have to put your big drawers on one foot at a time, pull em up, and do the right thing. It will probably feel like snatching a band-aid from an unhealed wound, but do it anyway. The Lord can and will be your balm if you let him! Try His ways all the way through and you'll see…He'll heal you.
And if you are one who is currently entertaining yourself with the wrong company, leave it alone! Adultery is like holding a lit candle to your chest; you keep it there too long and it'll burn you up! So stop holding on to dangerous fire. Put it out and let it go…
Cheray Gardison, Author of Holes In The House
(visit www.holesinthehouse.com for more information)
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