5. Only sits in fancy chairs to highlight his masculine folds.
6. “I really resent your condescending tone when you speak about my rolls.”
21. “I love my rolls because 1. I can hide things 2. They’re soft 3. They’re sexy.”
26. “I’m not sleeping, I’m exercising my wrinkles. Gotta make sure they stay nice and pronounced.”
Here Are The Top Stories
- The U.S. will release Israeli spy Jonathan Pollard after 30 years. The move isn't tied to the Iran nuclear deal, American officials say.
- Officials released new footage proving Sandra Bland was "alive and well" when her mugshot was taken. The release aims to counter social media rumors that she was deceased in the photo.
- The NFL has upheld Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's four-game suspension for his alleged involvement with the deflation of footballs 🏈