lol

The American Revolution, As Told By Sloths

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA.

1. So, by 1765 the 13 colonies were getting pretty sick of Britain’s suffocating rules and taxation policies.

2. After a bunch of uprisings like the Boston Tea Party, the British passed a lot of very rude laws and were like, “YOUR MOVE, PATRIOTS.”

3. So the Americans had no choice but to say to the Brits:

(They suppressed both loyalists: those who were loyal to Britain and royal officials.)

4. THEY ALL FOUGHT N FOUGHT

5. And then all the sudden, George Washington, who was a Virginia militia soldier, was like, “HEY GUYS I’M HERE, I’LL BE YOUR COMMANDER IN CHIEF OF THIS HERE CONTINENTAL ARMY.”

6. The Patriots continued to be like, “YAY, REPUBLICANISM, BOO THE CROWN! ALL MEN ARE CREATED EQUAL*, I LOVE IDEALS!”

 

*So, this only included white men and definitely not any women so they left a lot to be desired but it was progress from the government they came from, ya know?”

7. On June 11, the Fab 5* were elected to draft what would be eventually known as the Declaration of Independence and went on their way.

*Thomas Jefferson, Benjamin Franklin, John Adams, Roger Sherman, and Robert R. Livingston.

8. On July 2, 1776, the Second Continental Congress came together and approved the resolution of independence.

 

(This is actual footage of them eating snacks, approving independence and stuff.)

9. After many drafts, the Declaration of Independence was approved on July 4, 1776. AND EVERYONE FELT GOOD.

A lot of historians think it wasn’t signed until August, but TJ, John Adams, AND Benji Franklin all later wrote they had signed on that day. So let us have this day cause it’s fucking awesome.

10. The war raged on until 1781, unfortunately, because the British just REFUSED to let this one go.

This GIF needs to be used again because this is literally what the Brits were like.

11. But the Americans, with help of France, were like:

12. The British army was like, “NOOOOO, WE’VE LOOOOOST.”

13. And the Patriots were like, “YES, WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!!”

14. In 1783, the peace treaty was signed and the U.S. was like, “BYE, DAD, YOU CAN COME VISIT BUT LIKE, YOU DON’T CONTROL ME ANYMORE, I FEEL GREAT.”

15. The U.S. passed the Constitution in 1788 and the Bill of Rights in 1791. Everyone was like, “THIS IS CHILL AS FUCK.”

 

16. All that stuff is great but it’s like hey, the Declaration of Independence was pretty fucking awesome and really was the pivotal moment here. So let’s celebrate with fireworks and stuff.

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