1. "WE BOTH BRING JOY TO THE WORLD SO WHO'S THE REAL ST. NICK, AMIRIGHT?"
2. "Who the hell are these people? I don't trust any man with a beard."
3. "I saw myself in the mirror and got distracted!"
4. "THIS IS NOT SANTA."
5. ~Nervous Laughter~
6. "This is literally the worst day of my life."
7. "All right, Santa is cool but I think it's time to break out the eggnog."
8. "Really wish this stranger would stop hugging me."
9. "I TOLD him what I was wearing and yet we're still matching."
10. "I did not sign up to become anyone's goddamn elf."
11. "Honest to god, if I don't get a treat soon, I'm going to pee all over this tree and this man."
12. "Wish we were going to the dog park AS PROMISED."
13. "If ~hypothetically speaking~, I just farted...am I still on the "Nice" list?"
14. "I will smile for this but just know, I'm here strictly on business. Where tha treats?"
15. "If I stay still enough maybe he'll forget I'm here."
16. "I'm staying calm but I'm 99% sure this Santa is as fake as that damn tree."
17. "I had bigger dreams for myself than this."
18. "SHIT, HE JUST FOUND OUT I ATE ALL THE COOKIES. ABORT MISSION, ABORT MISSION!!"
19. "PEACE OUT, SUCKAS."
