8 Signs You've Watched Too Much "EastEnders"

Have you started screaming "GET OUTTA MY PUB" at close friends? It may be time to seek help.

1. Going to the pub for a quiet drink is no longer good enough.

You refuse to join your friends for a couple of pints unless someone promises beforehand to smash a table of glasses, threaten the landlord, set the pub on fire or slap a barmaid.

2. Christmas is something you fear.

Fights, murders, fires, drugs, affairs and an unhealthy amount of booze. You won't accept anything less than three of the above on Christmas Day.

3. You believe this guy is a great catch.

Four marriages, three kids, numerous affairs. Move over George Clooney.

4. You've tried to win an argument by using the line....

5. Falling in love with your cousin is now the norm.

In fact, you will now only start a relationship with someone if they are either a) related to you or b) married to a member of your family.

6. This is your idea of a quiet Sunday.

7. You now always worry you might be pregnant if you put on a few pounds.

Sonia's "surprise" Christmas birth has a lot to answer for.

8. And you think this is an acceptable way to woo a woman.